Social Anxiety is so horrible!
It makes you feel vulnerable. But, you are not as vulnerable as you think.
One of the tricks of anxiety is that it takes all of your possible (read “near impossible”) vulnerability and shoves it in your face so that terror is all you can see ahead of you.
When this happens, other people – ANY people – are risky to be around. And crowds? Forget it! Too much danger.
If you think of social situations as anxiety traps – someone could think about you, someone could see a fat cell, or read your deepest, darkest secret as if it is written across your forehead – you avoid them like the plague.
But do you ever really stop to think of what you are really worried about?
Our worries about social situations tend to be quite evasive. Take a moment to ask yourself…
What is the WORST that could happen?
Once this woman told me, “I HAVE to know what she is thinking so I know if I am safe.”
I said, “What might she think that would threaten you?”
She said, “She might think I’m weird.”
“How will that threaten you? Would she attack you?”
She said, “No, she wouldn’t, I just need to know if I am safe.”
Isn’t an attack- physical or emotional – the only way we could possibly be in danger by another person? (Unless there’s an accident. But you don’t stay paralyzed and terrified of someone accidentally dropping something on your toe.)
We take anxiety at face value, “I NEED to know I’m safe.” because it sounds smart and logical. But that’s kind of bull-do-do because there is nothing behind it.
“You are safe.” I told her.
People explain to me that they are afraid of being attacked (in different words), but then once they realize this, they say, “No I’m not afraid of being attacked.” and I ask “Then, what are you afraid of?” And they just don’t know, saying evasive things like, “I’d just rather be comfortable.”
When the discomfort is coming from your own mind, you will not be comfortable in social situations. And the more that you avoid them, the worse this can get.
When you have an illusion of danger, it is pretty hard to leap right out of it. So in this video, I am going to explain how you can take small steps to push past it so that you can stop avoiding things that you’d enjoy.
I watched a video recently on Facebook about not living with regret, reminding us to do the things we want to do before it is too late. I want you to have a life where you are comfortable, and have adventures, and get close to people, and learn new things, and challenge yourself, and give and GROW! That’s awfully hard to do if you are afraid of social situations.
Please watch so that you can!
How To Deal with Social Anxiety
To deal with social anxiety you…
- Take small steps.
- Observe other people and realize that they are not thinking about you.
- Recruit a friend to be with you as you practice going out.
- Keep moving small steps past your comfort zone and eventually you will expand the zone to include more things!
Before you know it, the social anxiety will disappear.
Do you deal with social anxiety? What easy step can you take today to expand your comfort zone?
I believe I have social anxieties. I avoid social gatherings at all costs. Unless it’s important to me then I would go but I’ll have that uncomfortable fear prior to going. My anxieties only gets worse cause I sweat. And I mean profusely sweating, just with my head and face where it’s most noticeable. And that alone is the reason I can’t get over my anxiety.
Koy, sweating and blushing endear people to you. People read it as honest and we feel like we can trust you. You actually are putting people at ease. Maybe if you kept that in mind, it would be helpful?
Hi Koy, I totally relate to your comment and know it can be excruciating — I also had this problem, though thankfully it’s more of a thing of the past for me (though it still happens occasionally). I found that the deep breathing exercises that I used to dismiss as “useless” 20 years ago actually do have a major calming effect. I try to give myself time before going into a gathering that I’m feeling anxious about so I can sit in my car and take some deep breaths. Meditation has also been super helpful. Wishing you the best.
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Thanks, Jodi! I read a quote (can’t remember from whom) that I keep with me in my head and it helps me.
“When I was 20, I worried about what people were thinking of me.
When I was 40, I no longer cared what people were thinking of me.
When I was 60, I realized that no one was thinking of me.”