Are high expectations good or bad?

12 comments

How To Think About Expectations

We expect ourselves to be perfect. To understand and read situations perfectly. To be cool.

We expect to stay in the same size clothes. Or finally fit into smaller ones.

We expect to write beautifully.

We expect to set goals and follow through on them. Keep our house neat. Cook healthier, whole foods.

We expect to stay calm and stop comparing ourselves. We expect to be happy and positive. We expect to succeed in our business goals and save money. Stop lazing around and organize our photos! Get that house project done. Make that phone call.

We expect to act maturely and stop taking everything so personally. We expect to be less needy or nervous. We expect that we’ll throw great parties and handle difficulties with grace. We expect that we will forgive and not let our families get us down.

And exercise daily.

We expect that we’ll get everything on our list done.

And if we don’t meet these expectations, then we fail. Fail. Fail. Failure.

What comes next? All kinds of negative self talk and then a “Why bother?” or a “What’s the use?”

When you begin to asks those questions, you know you are sunk.

You can still set goals for yourself and NOT drown in over-the-top expectations. Setting goals challenges us and invigorates us to live! We’d be lost and bored without them. When you say, “Why bother?” your soul shrivels a little.

We humans LOVE challenges. We even love challenges for challenge sake. Goals keep us engaged in life!

Do you know what to do when you are drowning in a pool of high expectations?

Make your goals work for you

1. Write down your goals, imbue them with energy.

Write down the little goals and tasks you do daily, even if you are going to do them anyway. That gives you more to celebrate! Crossing completed tasks off your list gives you energy for the goals that take more effort. By bringing more joy to mundane tasks, you’ll have more energy to go for your life’s dreams.

2. Go for them. Put your whole self in!

Don’t hold back so you won’t be disappointed. You won’t like yourself very much if you do this. Put your whole heart and soul in so you have no regrets. Remember: Never hold back because you are too afraid of making mistakes. You learn more from mistakes than you do from anything else.

3. Celebrate and re-evaluate them!

Take them down a notch if they are too high. Change what is not working. Be flexible! You haven’t failed when you change your goal to one that fits better, is achievable and more in line with what your heart is telling you. You’ve succeeded.

What goals are playing in your life right now?

You 1 Anxiety 0 by Jodi Aman


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12 Comments

Balroop Singh

Hi Jodi,

That list of expectations is terrific, so realistic, so wholesome! Most of our life is dedicated to these expectations and add to them what we expect from our friends, siblings, spouse colleagues…the list is endless! Oh! I love that expression…’drowning in the pool of expectations’. yes, all our life is spent in that pool, floundering, expecting somebody would hold our hand and save us.
Thanks for an enlightening video! And the reminders.
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Jodi Aman

I guess we have to reach out and save each other! I feel like that is what we do in the blog world!

Stanley

Jodi. Great post and great video! It’s as if you wrote it for me!
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Jodi Aman

I always do!

lisa thomson-the great escape

Awesome advice, Jodi. When I read the title I thought ‘I don’t do that because I’ve learned through disappointment not to…’ but then I read your list and heard my own voice. I still have too high expectations! Great video, too. I think letting go of perfection is the key to so much in life and getting more done. Thanks, Jodi!
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Jodi Aman

Letting go of perfectionism is beyond awesome!

My Inner Chick

–Has anybody ever told you that you should have your own show?!!

You are a Rock Star.

Thank You. xxx
I Love your videos.
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Jodi Aman

You. Every time! Thanks, Love!

Nikky44

I read this post on different days and each time I sit and try to answer this question: do I have high expectations for myself? I don’t feel I do. I also wondered how come I don’t have high expectations when I’ve been a perfectionist for a big part of my life? Did it stop because somewhere in my heart I stopped believing I could achieve anything good? Is it because I have changed and became more realistic? I honestly can’t find the answer, but I don’t feel I have any expectations.
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Jodi Aman

We change on different days and in different scenarios. You choose what you want depending on the context. We usually aren’t just one way. Maybe that is why you had so much trouble figuring it out? 🙂

marie kléber

It’s like you read my mind Jodi. I have high expactations every single day. But now I do celebrate small victories instead of telling myself “I am not worth it”. To do list are helping me to rejoice when something is done.
I still have high expectations when dealing with difficult people. Let’s say when dealing with my ex husband. I tend to tell myself “you made a mess once again” every time things don’t go the way I planned them to go.
I should just let go and accept me the way I am. It’s not that easy, when you have always tried to be perfect to please others. But I try Jodi.
Thanks for another fabulous post. Love your voice!

Worli

Nice article and video! Having high expectations is is one of the major causes of stress and depression and negative thinking can drain us of all our energy and enthusiasm making life a boring experience. It is good for us to have high expectations, however high our expectations are they should be realistic.
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