How do you get through a hard time?35 comments
]At this point I have watched thousands of people get through awful times, and while they are forever changed by what they went through, it is not always in a bad way.
I asked: How did you get through a hard time?
Monica of Monica’s Tangled Web answered:
Does humor count? Because laughter helped me immensely during my divorce. A week after I found out my husband was having an affair, I started going to the movies. I had to get out of the house. We had recently moved to this new city and I still didn’t know anyone, so I’d go to the movies alone. Mostly, I’d go to see comedies. It served as a way to escape from my life, and for a little while, in the darkness of the theater, it made me forget. It also made me laugh.
And it opened my eyes. One film in particular, “Groundhog’s Day,” which I ended up seeing at least five times in the course of a month, taught me the lesson of living each day to the fullest. Make the most of each day and reach out to those around you. Bill Murray’s character inspired me, and made me want to be a better person.
I began to practice the “Ground Hog-isms” I learned, like talking to strangers I’d encounter at the grocery store, while in line at the bank, and listening to what they had to say. It made me want to get beyond my comfort zone and improve myself, so I signed up for ice skating lessons, group therapy, and swing dance classes. I also joined a fitness club. All these things filled my life and opened my world to new people, new ideas, and fresh perspectives.
My reliance on humor didn’t change me or my predicament overnight. Trust me, I’d go home and still feel depressed. But in time, it helped me heal in surprising and refreshing ways, which is why today I give a lot of props to the power of laughter.
Not sure where I’d be without my willingness to embrace our natural predisposition for humor. Humor showed me that, despite my misery, there were fun times to be have. That life wasn’t worth giving up on. The sun was still going to shine, blue skies were still to be had, and beauty was still to be found in flowers and in life itself. And there’d be laughter, always laughter.
Kim Robinson of My Inner Chick answered:
When my sister, Kay, was murdered, it was the darkest day of my life. I don’t remember much about the past three years through the fog of mourning. I mean, I was out of control, not taking care of myself, questioning God, and trying to find ways to survive. One. More. Day.
But after 3 years, 8 months, and 27 days, I can look back through the shadows and observe a few things I have learned.
For example, in my weakest moments, I was STRONGER than I ever imagined.
I know this because I’m still here, still breathing, & my heart still beats wildly in my chest.
I learned that Kay is LIBERATED and no longer a victim, but part of the SOLUTION to end domestic violence.
Because of this new perspective, I am empowered to move forward to live without her.
And of course, I also BELIEVE without hesitation that we will be united in paradise one day, as well.
Balroop of Balroop 2013 answered:
We all go through turbulent times; hours of agony, of profound anguish, of silent brooding…sometimes they seem to throttle us, slowly snuffing cheer and thrill out of our lives.
During those difficult times, I refused to crumble under the circumstances or oppressive attitude of people around me. Always counting my blessings, I moved ahead with determination and positive attitude. The dark and gloomy alleys of life could never blind me as I always had the light of optimism glowing in my heart to face the worst. My uncanny urge to move ahead was guided by positive thinking.
Nobody is born with this blessing of positive thinking.
It needs to be cultivated and nurtured by surrounding yourself with positive minded people.I was not that lucky but when dark and menacing clouds surround you at a young age and rain becomes imminent, you run spontaneously under some protective umbrella and mine was positivity, which I developed by reading good books and facing reality of this hostile world.
Marie of Mahshi and Marshmellow answered:
I don’t have to look far. It happened 15 months ago. At this time, I was quite vulnerable and completely lost. The first thing I thought was “I will never get through it”. I had lost hope and my only wish was to vanish into the night. I lived the darkest hours of my life.
The thing I could not erase from my mind was the memory of the last days of my marriage. I had a hard time dealing with my husband’s words of love, which were in great contrast with his abusive behavior. I didn’t want to be a victim. I didn’t want to be treated like one either. I didn’t want to meet people, to hear their words. I wanted to be left alone, with my sadness and my fears.
After hours, days and weeks of pain, it was time to get back on my feet. I was pregnant so I could not risk our lives anymore. It was going to be tough, but I had much support around me, family and friends, ready to do everything to listen to me and show me the way.
In the midst of hardships, I allowed myself, for the first time of my life, to let go, to let the tears run in front of people, to say out loud how I was feeling, how hard it was to start again, how horrible I saw myself.
By doing so, I released the tension. Every cry was a way to get rid of things, a way to heal my wounds. I could come back to the same pain over and over again. That was ok. I was in charge. I was starting to see rays of light here and there. I did not have to be strong, not right now, not today. I had time. Healing takes time.
I offered myself a great chance. Crying was not an effort anymore. Crying felt good. I realized tears have the power to make you feel better. Crying is not being weak. Being able to cry is a real gift, a gift you can enjoy every now and then, when life is overwhelming, when hardships are too heavy to bear. Crying helped me to smile again and to slowly let the past behind, where it belongs.
I know it’s not the end yet. I still have messy days, bad days, and even horrible days. But the pain inside my stomach is gone. I am not dependent of him anymore. Letting go brought me closer to God, to the essence of my life. Letting go is a great tool to overcome hardships and to rise up.
Laura from Laurazera.com answered.
The skill that has been most important for me in difficult times has been my ability to ask for help. Sometimes it was reaching out to my spouse or a friend, sometimes it was going to see a therapist or a doctor, sometimes it was even through online conversation. It can be really hard to ask, because when I’m in the darkest of dark places, I feel neither motivated nor worthy of someone else’s time and attention. I have to push myself to do something, to make a connection somehow. But I know that if I don’t, I will spend much longer in that dark space than if I seek help.
Me from your computer screen 😉 answered.
I have been in painful spots on many occasions. (I tell more about this in my free video series.) And at most of those times I have wished that someone would just grab my hand and help me escape that suffering. Because no one did, it pushed me further into despair. I felt worthless and unloved on top of it all.
Once I realized that this was a story that played in my mind – a victim mentality – that kept me stuck here, I start taking my own initiative to feel better. Exactly like Monica (above), I began by doing activities outside my comfort zone, like attend a retreat, join a group, volunteer, or take a class. All of these not only got me out of my head, but introduced me to new people and built up my confidence. I wouldn’t be who I am today if I kept waiting for someone to help, and without having taken these steps through my own initiative.
Over to you readers, Do you laugh, try something new, make new meaning, think positively, cry, let go, or ask for help?
Jodi Aman / /