How do you get through a hard time?

35 comments

]At this point I have watched thousands of people get through awful times, and while they are forever changed by what they went through, it is not always in a bad way.

Here is what some of my friends say about what got them through the rough spots…how to get through a hard time

I asked: How did you get through a hard time?

Monica of Monica’s Tangled Web answered:

Does humor count? Because laughter helped me immensely during my divorce. A week after I found out my husband was having an affair, I started going to the movies. I had to get out of the house. We had recently moved to this new city and I still didn’t know anyone, so I’d go to the movies alone. Mostly, I’d go to see comedies. It served as a way to escape from my life, and for a little while, in the darkness of the theater, it made me forget. It also made me laugh.

And it opened my eyes. One film in particular, “Groundhog’s Day,” which I ended up seeing at least five times in the course of a month, taught me the lesson of living each day to the fullest. Make the most of each day and reach out to those around you. Bill Murray’s character inspired me, and made me want to be a better person.

I began to practice the “Ground Hog-isms” I learned, like talking to strangers I’d encounter at the grocery store, while in line at the bank, and listening to what they had to say. It made me want to get beyond my comfort zone and improve myself, so I signed up for ice skating lessons, group therapy, and swing dance classes. I also joined a fitness club. All these things filled my life and opened my world to new people, new ideas, and fresh perspectives.

My reliance on humor didn’t change me or my predicament overnight. Trust me, I’d go home and still feel depressed. But in time, it helped me heal in surprising and refreshing ways, which is why today I give a lot of props to the power of laughter.

Not sure where I’d be without my willingness to embrace our natural predisposition for humor. Humor showed me that, despite my misery, there were fun times to be have. That life wasn’t worth giving up on. The sun was still going to shine, blue skies were still to be had, and beauty was still to be found in flowers and in life itself. And there’d be laughter, always laughter.

Kim Robinson of My Inner Chick answered:

When my sister, Kay, was murdered, it was the darkest day of my life. I don’t remember much about the past three years through the fog of mourning. I mean, I was out of control,  not taking care of myself, questioning God, and trying to find ways to survive. One. More. Day.

But after 3 years, 8 months, and 27 days, I can look back through the shadows and observe a few things I have learned.

For example, in my weakest moments, I was STRONGER than I ever imagined.

I know this because I’m still here, still breathing, & my heart still beats wildly in my chest.

I learned that Kay is LIBERATED and no longer a victim, but part of the SOLUTION to end domestic violence.

Because of this new perspective, I am empowered to move forward to live without her.

And of course, I also BELIEVE without hesitation that we will be united in paradise one day, as well.

Balroop of Balroop 2013 answered:

We all go through turbulent times; hours of agony, of profound anguish, of silent brooding…sometimes they seem to throttle us, slowly snuffing cheer and thrill out of our lives.

During those difficult times, I refused to crumble under the circumstances or oppressive attitude of people around me. Always counting my blessings, I moved ahead with determination and positive attitude. The dark and gloomy alleys of life could never blind me as I always had the light of optimism glowing in my heart to face the worst. My uncanny urge to move ahead was guided by positive thinking.

Nobody is born with this blessing of positive thinking.

It needs to be cultivated and nurtured by surrounding yourself with positive minded people.I was not that lucky but when dark and menacing clouds surround you at a young age and rain becomes imminent, you run spontaneously under some protective umbrella and mine was positivity, which I developed by reading good books and facing reality of this hostile world.

Marie of Mahshi and Marshmellow answered:

I don’t have to look far. It happened 15 months ago. At this time, I was quite vulnerable and completely lost. The first thing I thought was “I will never get through it”.  I had lost hope and my only wish was to vanish into the night. I lived the darkest hours of my life.

The thing I could not erase from my mind was the memory of the last days of my marriage. I had a hard time dealing with my husband’s words of love, which were in great contrast with his abusive behavior. I didn’t want to be a victim. I didn’t want to be treated like one either. I didn’t want to meet people, to hear their words. I wanted to be left alone, with my sadness and my fears.

After hours, days and weeks of pain, it was time to get back on my feet. I was pregnant so I could not risk our lives anymore. It was going to be tough, but I had much support around me, family and friends, ready to do everything to listen to me and show me the way.

In the midst of hardships, I allowed myself, for the first time of my life, to let go, to let the tears run in front of people, to say out loud how I was feeling, how hard it was to start again, how horrible I saw myself.

By doing so, I released the tension. Every cry was a way to get rid of things, a way to heal my wounds. I could come back to the same pain over and over again. That was ok. I was in charge. I was starting to see rays of light here and there. I did not have to be strong, not right now, not today. I had time. Healing takes time.

I offered myself a great chance. Crying was not an effort anymore. Crying felt good. I realized tears have the power to make you feel better. Crying is not being weak. Being able to cry is a real gift, a gift you can enjoy every now and then, when life is overwhelming, when hardships are too heavy to bear. Crying helped me to smile again and to slowly let the past behind, where it belongs.

I know it’s not the end yet. I still have messy days, bad days, and even horrible days. But the pain inside my stomach is gone. I am not dependent of him anymore. Letting go brought me closer to God, to the essence of my life. Letting go is a great tool to overcome hardships and to rise up.

Laura from Laurazera.com answered.

The skill that has been most important for me in difficult times has been my ability to ask for help. Sometimes it was reaching out to my spouse or a friend, sometimes it was going to see a therapist or a doctor, sometimes it was even through online conversation. It can be really hard to ask, because when I’m in the darkest of dark places, I feel neither motivated nor worthy of someone else’s time and attention. I have to push myself to do something, to make a connection somehow. But I know that if I don’t, I will spend much longer in that dark space than if I seek help.

Me from your computer screen 😉 answered.

I have been in painful spots on many occasions. (I tell more about this in my free video series.) And at most of those times I have wished that someone would just grab my hand and help me escape that suffering. Because no one did, it pushed me further into despair. I felt worthless and unloved on top of it all.

Once I realized that this was a story that played in my mind – a victim mentality – that kept me stuck here, I start taking my own initiative to feel better. Exactly like Monica (above), I began by doing activities outside my comfort zone, like attend a retreat, join a group, volunteer, or take a class. All of these not only got me out of my head, but introduced me to new people and built up my confidence. I wouldn’t be who I am today if I kept waiting for someone to help, and without having taken these steps through my own initiative.

Over to you readers, Do you laugh, try something new, make new meaning, think positively, cry, let go, or ask for help?

What has helped you through your hardest times? Tell us!
anxiety test prompt


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35 Comments

elizabeth

I am great friends with Kim and remember the email I got from her about Kay being murdered. i have seen her go thru every emotion there is and now I see a beautiful and strong survivor. She has taught so many people how to go on and actually enjoy life again. by Kim being able to do that I think is Kay’s greatest gift to her dear sister.

Jodi Aman

Thanks os much for coming Elizabeth, she is a shining star in this world. Any friend of Kim’s is a friend of mine! <3

My Inner Chick

–Beautiful post, Jodi.

I love all of the stories and bloggers!!

When I leave your website, I continually feel empowered, liberated, & overflowing w/ hope.

Love you more than 5 kittens bathing in sunshine. xx

Jodi Aman

You love all that is beautiful, and I give thatt right back. Your love is saving the world! So glad to have you here!

Balroop Singh

Hi Jodi,

Thanks for the link to ‘How to become…..’ so even a professional healer agrees that our mind possesses all those powers…to withstand all the suffering, pain and anguish, to get up and endeavor to get out of those unfortunate situations, to understand that it is not our fault and most importantly emerge stronger.

Have you noticed Jodi, that a common strand that runs through all the views here is…the self-efforts, which play a pivotal role in healing. Unless we decide that we are no longer going to continue in the given circumstances, unless we move out of those situations that are causing all that agony, nobody can help us. It is only when we resolve to snatch our happiness and freedom back from those who have buried it away, that we get it back.

Thanks for sharing a fantastic post and making me a part of it. love you.
Balroop Singh recently posted..How Faith Grows…Only One Way to Absorb it!My Profile

Jodi Aman

I did notice that self effort are pivotal in all of them. That is why I included my section. Someone had just asked me on twitter what to do if she is desparate for someone to give her a hand out of the pain, and I wanted her to know that you can wait forever for this, but you have to pray with your legs. It is about taking action instead of wanting someone else to do it all. We totally deserve someone to do it all, but they are in their own lives and probelms and can’t really. It is up to us. Your contribution was excellent, so glad you are here!

Bren

Hi Jodi!

Visiting from AhaNow! and the 20 Inspiring Women Bloggers!

I can usually find humor to get me through depending on the “hard time”. Back in November, I started having marital issues and humor wasn’t an option. I basically had a meltdown and am now trying heal with the help from an antidepressant. It’s amazing to see how so many people handle difficult times. I always wanted to be one of the strong ones however, there are certain things that I have to take a momentary meltdown, pick myself back up, and move forward.

Interesting post and great to meet you!

Jodi Aman

Thanks so much for coming over! Just because you have a melt down doesn’t mean you are not strong. Allowing yourself to taking a break, and get help is such a worthy skill.

Laura Zera

Jodi, thank you for including me in this inspirational group of women. I love Balroop’s expression, that we have to resolve to snatch our happiness back — yes! I always have great admiration for people who have forgiven others for a terrible act against them because they know that if they don’t, they’ll be held prisoner. Snatching happiness back can take some giant acts of courage, but we all have it in us.

Love you more than six kittens bathing in sunshine with a rainbow! 😉
Laura Zera recently posted..Travel: Cameroon’s Far North RegionMy Profile

Jodi Aman

Love you more than warm sunshine on a cold damp day!

Kelly Hashway

Like Monica I turn to laughter to help me through tough times. It doesn’t always work, but it usually helps.
Kelly Hashway recently posted..Monday Mishmash 3/17/14My Profile

Jodi Aman

I hear you, me too!

Mary Allen

I relate to Laura the most, probably because I don’t have the ability to go to a movie, a retreat, take a class, etc. I agree that, especially with my severe anxiety, it is very hard to ask for help. So when I get the chance to use the phone, to make a call or go online, it is very scary for me to ask for help or to even ask others, what I should do. What do you do Laura if you are then turned away? For me it just reinforces Jodi’s feelings of being worthless & has pushed me further into despair. I felt all of your pain & I know it must have been hard to share. I know that none of you know me or my situation, so there is no way you can address it. I’ve been through hard times before & got through them. This time it’s not just about me. I have children to think of. I’m disabled now. My abuser has taken away my car. I cannot walk the mile to the nearest bus stop. I lost my Disability because of my abuser. I don’t even want to go on anymore. I’m tired of telling my story. No one cares. Someday I hope to get out of this mess. Someday someone will see me. When they do & my children are out of here & I am finally free I plan on helping others. It’s sad that no one helped Jodi or people close their eyes to those in situations like mine. I’ll be the hand reaching out, giving hope to others. “We need people to believe in us, love us and stand by us.” Second Firsts

Jodi Aman

Mary, you are trapped in the idea that you are trapped. Mostly that no one cares. This is just a belief that you think is true. I have seen people write to you on FB messages of support and love. I know Valerie cares about you. You will get out of this mess when you believe in yourself as much as all of us believe in you. Focus on this. Focus on believing in yourself and knowing you can do what you set your mind to. This is the first, most important step!

Jodi Aman

What I mean is that if you say “No one cares.” enough times, YOU BELIEVE IT! Then, the people who have cared, feel ostracized and that no matter what they do it is not accepted. They feel invalidated. Their limits get the better of them, and they choose to protect themselves. Try noticing how and when people show they care. Remember they are just as fragile as you.

Mary

Thanks for caring Jodi. I appreciate you. <3

Monica

Jodi, this is wonderful. I love how you gathered these different voices to share with your readers how they each got through hard times. Thank you for including me. What an honor to be among these amazing women. As always, I found Kim’s very moving and loved what she learned about herself. Whatever the topic, I hope you do something like this again soon. Hugs!
Monica recently posted..Don’t Quote Me!My Profile

Jodi Aman

I am already thinking of what I can do next! Thanks so much for being willing to be included! <3

lisa thomson-The Great Escape...

What a fabulous post, Jodi! I am inspired by everyone’s story here (and always great to meet new people). Humor is a really good one! I tend to hibernate and don’t like to ask for help when I most need it. I’ve learned that’s a fear of being vulnerable. Usually people are happy to help you in any way. I am happy to help when a friend needs it. It’s been a learning curve though. Building confidence through new experiences is really helpful, too.
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Jodi Aman

Lisa, it’s when we get older that we finally learn we are giving others an opportunity to feel good for helping us, helps us finally ask for help! It took me so long to figure this out! xo

Mary Stephenson

Hi Jodi

What has helped me in those dark moments is to write down how I was feeling. I would write down 1-3 pages of how angry I was or how hurt I was and how helpless I felt. I was drained by the time I was done. I would put it away and come across it maybe 6 months later. After reading it, I would realize how low I was. I would tear it up and throw it away. That was closure and it has always lifted me to a step higher. Even when I continued to go through this practice I realized that each time I was less in that dark space. Now I just get a bit frustrated for a few days and am generally very optimistic. All the woes never turned into huge disasters. Even if one comes back to cause me grief I think I can handle it without totally falling apart.

Mary
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Jodi Aman

This is a great tactic! I use it also and have since I was a teenager. It is a powerful release to write and write. Even if there is no audience, it allows you to become your own audience. Thank you for adding this, a perfect addition to the list!

Brenda Moguez

I keep meaning to tell you how much I love your new design. It’s as if you are sitting here with me, having a glass of wine, talking to me. I loved this post, btw. There is a lesson in each of their responses. I’ve missed being here more often, but there was a novel to write and a the crazy day job ( better than the dog ate my homework) but true.
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Jodi Aman

Thank you for saying that about my design! I am so glad you like it. Still have more tweaks to make, but there will always be those! I know you’ve been doing your hearts desire and I still a big fan! Don’t worry, I know how busy this whole thing is. Believe me! Glad to see you around and can’t wait to read the book. I wish It was ready now!

Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com

Hi Jodi! I think I agree with Mary when she said that writing down thoughts and feelings in my daily journal helps me tremendously. That and the love and support of my best friend and husband. I also receive an amazing amount of understanding and awareness about myself from my blog. In so many ways it is a discipline, a meditation and spiritual practice all combined. Ultimately a belief that I will be able to not only survive any challenge, but thrive in it, is something that serves me well. Thank you for your continued reminders that we are all stronger than we often know. ~Kathy

Jodi Aman

Relationships are awesome! I’m so glad you have a best friend in your husband! xo

totsymae1011

Hard times…Well, it all depends on what kinda hard time. I just kinda hang out with myself. That quiet, still time can pour in some solutions. Exercising helps too. And sometimes, I paint. I paint things that have nothing to do with what I’m dealing with and paint something happy or funny, that emotion I want to feel. And I won’t lie. Sometimes I’ll lay down and take a nap to rest my mind. Matter of fact, my head’s hurting and I’m having a hard time thinking, so I may turn myself in early.
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Jodi Aman

Love how you take care of yourself! And then we all get to enjoy the paintings!

Nikky44

Do you laugh, try something new, make new meaning, think positively, cry, let go, or ask for help?
What has helped you through your hardest times?

I use them all. They all help. There are moments when laughing about it is the best, other moments when crying can wash up the pain, but the best and most helpful thing is motivation, to find something to look forward to. Once that is done, it all gets brighter.

Jodi Aman

This is awesome! It takes constant practice. I think something to look forward to is the best thing for our mental health! I’ve been saying it for years! I try for tiny things and this helps so much!
Jodi Aman recently posted..Do you believe in miracles?My Profile

Kati

You mention that one’s own initiative, choosing with one’s legs is important and that is really so. No-one can make that choice for you. It’s very hard to leave someone you love, even if they are abusing you. If once you’ve left, it can be difficult to accept the reality of betrayal and abuse, which is why so many people return to those situations. In my dark days, I’ve used meditation to help calm and cleanse my mind of thoughts of revenge and hatred, because those things keep you tethered. Not to deny them -and accepting I felt those things has been very difficult, because I wasn’t raised to use violence or advocate it- but to feel them, and the pain that goes with feeling them, so that I can say, okay, that’s how that feels, here in the safety of my meditation space. You can’t get around some things, you have to go through. Lately I find that these moments are shorter, less frequent, less intense, and it’s easier for me to regain my balance, to make plans about how to move forward; but it takes me to make the steps. Now when I go out for a walk, I realise I see things I’d never noticed in the beautiful city where I live, so I know that something has changed deep inside of me. And I owe a lot to the support of many kind friends. (Glad someone mentioned the ‘messy days’ and the horrible days. So true. )

Jodi Aman

Kati,
How beautiful your story is testimony to your practice. WE think it will be such hard work but the reward of seeing the beauty in the city and feeling different is well worth it! Thank you for your practice because it recovered your beauty and love for the world to have an enjoy a bit longer! So appreciate your friends, too. Glad that you are here. And here, here!
Thanks for sharing!
Jodi

Carol Newlands

It is a great feeling to see other smiles after a bad memories. Just like Monica my boyfriend cheated on me. We have been 3 years together. For 2 years, we are so happy and in love with each other. We are having our dinner date every weekend. He also introduced me to his parents and vice versa. When we are 2 years and half, he is getting cold and I noticed that he is not interested anymore in our relationship but despite all of this I still continue on loving and showing efforts to sustain the fire of our relationship. One day, I caught him with his other woman. I slap him as hard I could to let him feel the pain. I was very down for the following weeks. I have a lot of dream for the both of us, I even think about marriage and having a family with him. I still wonder where did I go wrong for him to find another girl. Am I not enough? One of my friend talked to me and told me to moved on. There are still lots of man that I could be with and deserving for my love. I decided to stand up after a great storm. I decided to let go of the feelings for me to be a better woman. I started hanging up with my friends and loved ones. I make myself busy and focus on things though there are still time that I remember the feelings and memories. I still cry at night but one thing I realized he don’t deserve me. Now, I am very happy with my friends and family. We encounter different problems and obstacles in life but God will never give us challenges that we cannot go through. All your sacrifices and pain will be worthy.

Jodi Aman

Beautiful Carol! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Good for you for moving on. It is not easy at first but it becomes easier after a while, right?

Carol Newlands

I agree with you. Maybe it is just in your mind that you can do it! Nothing is impossible if you really want to get rid of something 🙂


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