If You’re Going Through Hell, Keep Going.

29 comments

So many people who are going through hell tell me that sometimes they feel like getting away from themselves. Escaping.

“I wanted to run a way from myself, I felt so horrible,” a man recently told me. He thought he was crazy.

I have felt this feeling on many occasions, and we probably all have.  We are suffering so much that we are desperate to feel relief.  I wonder, if this is so common and makes sense, why do we often pathologize it?

going through hell? Keeping going!

Going Through Hell

Another client of mine told me of a strong urge he recently felt to “keep driving”  one day when he was emotionally overwhelmed.  He assumed this was pathological and meant that he was “going off the deep end.”

I asked him what he wanted to get away from, and what he wanted to find in a new place.

He realized his urge was “an act of wanting to separate himself from the terrible feelings he was having and feel better.”  I wondered allowed: Wouldn’t anyone want to do this if the feelings are so bad?

Looking at it this way, his desire was a step in the right direction rather than regression.  He could now tell me that he’d be crazy if he wanted to stay with these feelings, they were so horrible.  Hold the straight jacket, HE IS NOT CRAZY!  If I validated his feelings that he was pathological, I might have missed his desire to feel better and build on this.

A girl I worked with, felt similar. She was going through hell with thoughts of suicide.  Suicide crosses many minds when we are feeling desperate.  Thinking of it is a sign that we want suffering to end. (Not necessarily that we want our life to end.)  It is quite common for it to enter our consciousness.  Most of us, thankfully, do not go farther than that.  But she thought she was crazy for thinking of it.  She spent years thinking something was seriously wrong with her, and as you can imagine, this gave the thought power to the point she refused to be alone since she didn’t trust herself not to hurt herself.  She thought about suicide all the time.  It turned into a big anxiety for her.  By now she wasn’t sad by anything–except the thoughts.  Everything else in her life was OK. But she was still going through hell since it consumed her.

After one conversation with me, telling her everyone wants to escape suffering.  “It was normal for you during that hard time years ago to have suicide cross your mind.”  Her anxiety went away immediately, the thoughts went away.  As soon as she stopped judging herself, the problems stopped.

Sometimes when we judge ourselves we really put a wrench in the healing process, don’t we?

If you are going through hell, be kind to yourself.  Please keep going.

Response on Facebook, 14 Jan2012:
Wow! This passage was unbelievable! Just because I have “wild crazy thoughts” when my emotions are erupting,doesn’t mean I am necessarily “crazy” and belong in a psychiatric ward!I haven’t “slashed” or tried to commit suicide in over 12 years! I want to LIVE! Hahaha! I think I may just be growing up! And no,I won’t get into my looong history of physical,emotional,sexual and mental abuse I survived since the day I was born.That’ll be for the book about My Life that I am still writing! Amen to this passage. It just puts EVERYTHING in THE RIGHT PLACE…! Thanx  Jodi! Lata…Jeanne 😀

Did you ever feel this way?


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29 Comments

Debra Elliott

Thank you so much for stopping by and voting. Thank you for your kind comments. Love this post!
Debra Elliott recently posted..It’s O.K. to FailMy Profile

Jodi Lobozzo Aman

Glad you liked it!

nikky44

When facing a very difficult situation, running away from myself is the only way to keep sane. The situation i am living becomes likes part of a movie where i can just identify with the actress playing the role. That helps lessen the pain, whether it is physical or emotional pain.

Once out of the situation, when trying to think about what happened and evaluate it, the pain feeling dominating is anger and frustration. There is an urgent need to do something and let this anger out, shouting or yelling at people around? never, its not their fault. Screaming? I wish i can do it but i can because i lose my voice, it completely disappears. Crying? I feel like it, but tears just don’t come. When in this situation, my only refuge is my car. I take my car, and drive. I drive, fast, very fast, with music very loud. I never know where i am going, but I keep driving. Thoughts are uncontrollable, breathing is almost impossible. There is no way i go back home before i calm down.

Once i calm down, the black thoughts come and take control.This is the longest and hardest phase. Being alone is scary, talking about it is very hard, wearing the smiling mask seems unbearable, self judgement and self hate, insomnia, isolation, shame, pain, pain and a lot of physical pain.

Please keep going?? yes, but go where??

Jodi Lobozzo Aman

Always toward the light. You’ve felt it sometimes, you know it. Have faith, find a friend, discover some laughter, be visible. if nothing else, try to feel my virtual hug. All of you is appropriate. All of you!

nikky44

Thank you very much Jodi <3.
I am doing my best to find the light, and i have Faith, even though I can be confused. I needed a friend, and thought i found one. I love all my online friends. I love them very much, but I really need sometimes a presence here with me.
Thank you for the Hug, I need it <3

Jodi Lobozzo Aman

I can only imagine. It’s nice to have a real hug, too. I wish I was there!

nikky44

I wish that too, I can only dream. At least my dreams are mine and no one can stop them 🙂

Optimistic Mom

Great message! It is so tough to keep running and we often stop right before the breakthrough! We have to be encouraged and keep taking steps even if they are tiny steps.

Jodi Lobozzo Aman

Thanks! Love your site, by the way. Spent lots of time there this am!
Love,
Jodi

My Inner Chick

**If You’re Going Through Hell, Keep Going.**

Jodi, I have this quote on my fridge. What else must one do but “Keep Going?”

I loved this post. I understand it.

When I have those ‘same’ feelings above, I feel quite guilty about it. You know?

Superb message. xx thank you.
My Inner Chick recently posted..like a lion in a cageMy Profile

Jodi Lobozzo Aman

Leave the guilt, it holds us in hell.

Laura Zera (@laurazera)

Oh, this is so true! My personal one is wanting to run away to an island in the South Pacific. My husband is on board with it, at least, and would come along! I’m hoping that an 8-day vacation that we’re taking soon will help with the ‘wanting to run away’ feeling.

Jodi Lobozzo Aman

You deserve it! I like to go under the covers.

Anna

When I am hurt, suddenly I become center of people who haven’t called me for months..I despise such artificial compassion, sometimes little but relevant is enough. Therefore I really liked your message here! Thank you! I will not stop running…

Jodi Lobozzo Aman

You rock!

Stanley Weaver

I too am sending you a virtual hug!!! ((:)) I hope you can feel it!

nikky44

🙂

Evelyn

Thank you! While reading this post I connected to you all and it now feels a path less lonely. Humans all going through hell, separately at times although never alone.

Monica

Like Kim, I too love the quote, to keep running when going through hell. That’s it in a nutshell. Great, compassionate advice here. Thanks!
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Jodi Lobozzo Aman

Thanks, Monica!

Sebastian

I have delt with depression and so mnay issues for so long (17 years), I no longer know who I really am, or how I really feel. All I know is everyday it gets harder and harder to move on, get out of bed, breath. I have been contemplating suicide for a long time. However, 8 years ago my brother died in an accident, and I promised I couldn’t make my family suffer the same again. I dont know how much longer I can hold this promise. IF anything, I always thought I should have been in that accident. I grasp to the hope that I can see light at the end, holding tight. Your words do help me to struggle with such strong emotions, so thanks for that.

Jodi Lobozzo Aman

Sebastian, I am sorry about your brother and know your plight is similar to so many I hear. I honor your promise to your family. Keep taking one step at a time. Just focus on one step, not everything all at once.

Sebastian

Thanks so much for your response. Its difficult to feel that at 33 I have nothing to live for but others. And to feel so lost as to who I am. But I appreciate your concern. It has been a big relief to find your site and find some calmness in some of your previous posts. Here in Ecuador, no matter how many doctors Ive seen, I havent been able to break through.
Again, thanks for your reply. Lets me know you care

Jodi Lobozzo Aman

Living for others is a beautiful thing. Never underestimate that. Of course I care. You are you. It is very precious to be born into this life. Only very evolved souls can do it. You are here for a reason, even if it seems like it is to suffer, it is more than that. Sending you a torch to guide your way out of the tunnel. Thanks for reading!

kenyaone

That’s me 1001% it really helps (not in a bad way) to know that other people have those suicidal thoughts and it’s really us admitting that we don’t want what we’re feeling. thanks. im leaning here. . ))

Jodi Lobozzo Aman

I am glad it made you feel better to know others feel the same. They do! Believe me!

Stella

Hi Jodi,
My anxiety revolves around not knowing who I am, I am just a brain in a body. I don’t understand the world around me anymore and see normal things completely differently. For example my parents, all of a sudden it’s so weird to me that they gave birth to me and now I’m here. What am I? There is no light at the end of my anxiety tunnel as it’s not focused on things outside of me. The very nature of life is what drives me crazy to the extend that I don’t know who I am anymore. I want to get through this, but I don’t know how. My psychiatric helps me once a week but I seem to go more and more downhill. I’m only 21 and feel so terribly lost in my mind, it’s as if I can’t grasp onto anything anymore. My thoughts are the same as the girl you described in the article. I obsess over suicide. It is so bad. All day long. It started with ‘what if i want to commit suicide?’ and now I get random thoughts about senarios and my anxiety is going through the roof. These thoughts in combination with depersonalization scare me. I used to be so happy, now I don’t recognize myself. Do you have any thoughts on my situation?
warmly, Stella

what to ask a girl

Hi Stella, You are stuck in hyper-thought. I talk about this in my program. It would be so good for you! Watch the free videos here: http://givefeartheboot.com. It’s tons of cortisol in your system makes you hyper focused and everything seems bizarre and unreal in this state. You need major distraction because there is nothing good in your thoughts, they just keep feeding more of them. BUt you need to be gentle with yourself about all of it. Watch my OCD videos on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12–7NEkIWM and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mL4oOX2Vw94.

I would love to work with you in person where I can really help you! http://jodiaman.com/counseling/

This can get better, but you may need a bit of help at this point!

Love,

Jodi

7 ways to help someone stop thinking of suicide

[…] Loads of people think about suicide. First and foremost it is an expression that you don’t want to feel this pain anymore. That is a normal response to pain. It would be weirder if someone wants to feel this bad. […]


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