No One Understands Me29 comments
There are all these quotations on Facebook that tell us that we just have to “let go” of our feelings and we’ll “feel better.” But when our feelings are so intense and we would give anything to get rid of them, it is hard to figure out how these quotations apply to us. How could they? I mean, we have “real” reasons to feel as horrible as we do. We have evidence for the loneliness, the despair, the grief. Real. Hard Evidence.
It seems like no one understands me.
In some ways, “letting go” of these feels like we’d be letting go of our worth, because letting go seems synonymous with being OK such-and-such happened to us. And it is not in the least bit OK.
Everyone is saying it is a choice. We are not choosing to feel this way…why would anyone choose to feel this way? It is awful. I wouldn’t wish it on my worse enemy.
They must not understand. No one understands me. Heck, I don’t even understand.
It feels like an insult to have anyone tell us to “let it go” or “not take it personally.” It seems like a double whammy. First, we are hurt and then we are judged for hurting.
Of course we go right to holding ourselves accountable. Maybe, it’s me, maybe I can’t quite explain it right.
More evidence that we are alone and it is our fault. Yet, compelled from somewhere, we jump to our own defense, No I didn’t deserve this.
But self doubt slyly whispers in our ear telling us we are wrong and the self flagellation begins in earnest.
We think, Everyone gets how to heal but me. Just like everything else good in the world, healing is inaccessible to me. And deeper we go into our pain.
There might be people that care about us, but we make excuses why we can not reach out to them, they have their own troubles, it would be a burden, my problems aren’t as bad as other people’s. I am different, we think.
What to do when no one understands me
This story has played out over and over in my life and it is a typical tale of so many people that I talk to. So what do we do about it?
It is so much easier if I am not the one stuck in the story to see the situation from the big picture–to see all the pieces and how everyone is playing them out. However, when we are saturated by a problem story, we see only things that go along with that story. So when we feel so strongly that no one understands, or I have no one, the events that go with this theme have a neon sign on them (If they have to get skewed and twisted to fit, our inner self critic is happy to oblige us.) Even if they are from 10, 20, or 30 years ago.
You need to come outside of your story about no one understanding. Inside it is too painful and chaotic. If we could somehow see the situation from a distance, with new unbiased eyes, would we see something different. For example why the other person did what they did, or what the person who says, “Just choose,” has been through. Maybe the problem-story has us unable to understand. But I don’t mean that in a judgmental way. I mean that in a hopeful way. Maybe there is another way to see it. And wouldn’t that be great?
Healing and Judging
When I say you can see the situation different, you can go to judgment, “I can’t do it.” Or to relief, “Yes! There might be an answer for me!”
There is a balance between allowing yourself to feel what you feel and then coming out of it. The difference is not judging. If you allow yourself to feel grief and love yourself through it without judgment, without worry, and without blame, and then you can take the feeling to the end. And then come out of it. It is when you get caught in the worry and judgment and blame that the suffering becomes unbearable. The judgment gets you stuck in the story.
The answer: don’t judge. Especially stop judging yourself. This is the one thing that will very quickly take you onto the path of healing. Stop judging. Please.
You can tell me anything bad (according to you) about yourself, yet it wouldn’t change what I think and see. I will still notice your skills, what you give value to, who you are. And I will invite you to see it too. xo
Did you ever feel like no one understands?
Jodi Aman / /