Dealing with Others Negativity

17 comments

Every Wednesday folks ask questions on Facebook (Heal Now and Forever Be In Peace), which I answer in my blog on Thursday.

Facing Accusations

When facing accusations, I always feel hurt, but I can stay calm as I reply: “It’s not who I am, it’s just your opinion about me.” But with some people I feel very close to, my reaction is completely different: I feel guilty, I cry, I apologize, and might spend hours trying to defend myself. Isn’t that contradictory?

dealing with others negativity

Dear Nikky,

We react to different people differently all the time.  “Contradictory” is a harsh judgment for something everyone of us does. I’d call it “adjusting.” And it is actually a skill. Kids do this all the time. They act differently at home or at school. They help out at their friend’s house but not at home. If you met someone famous, you might act more formal. Etc.

You know that attack (in this case accusations) comes out of a place of deep misery. When it is not someone close to you, you have some distance to see that it may not even be about you and respond thus.  When it is someone close to you, You can feel that misery inside them and since you care deeply for them, this effects you in a different way.  The difference is proximity (energetically) to the situation and the relationship.  You don’t ask what to do about it, but I will add that taking a step back can help in this matter. You can see the same event, with a different meaning. From a distance you can see what might be going on for them and not blame yourself so much. Talking to friends might also help you see from a distance when dealing with others negativity.

Love,

Jodi

“People Remind Me of My Mistakes”

I am dealing with a lot of buried anger/variety of feelings… I have come to realize that I am beyond angry at myself for bad choices and what it has cost me (mainly my career, of which I loved more than I was ever aware of especially since it is not an option anymore) I struggle with being able to forgive myself, I have few outside sources that feel the need to remind me of my mistakes. Do you have any thoughts/ideas on how I can get to a peaceful place within myself?? Thank you so much for all your postings. 

Dear Carole,

It might be hard to work on forgiving yourself when other’s are reminding you of your mistakes all the time. Then you are dealing with others negativity. First, you must allow yourself to feel that buried anger!  Once you allow it, stop judging it, it will be easier to let it go and forgive. Sometimes there is a reason for losses (your career), but they are hard to uncover when we are still so upset. Being upset keeps us close to a situation.  Here, like with Nikky, there is no distance to see a new perspective and figure out the why’s of what happens to us.  We hold onto to things that don’t make sense to us and can get to an almost obsession trying to make sense of it. Give yourself some distance and the peaceful meaning will come to you. This will help you move into forgiveness and stay committed to it! Giving you all the peace you can imagine. I also have a meditation about finding peace within without judgments and self forgiveness if you are interested!

Love,

Jodi


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17 Comments

nikky44

You are right Jodi. Thank you. In fact I had the experience just 4 days ago and was publicly attacked on my wall. The fact that I didn’t take the accusations has immediately solved the problem, and I even got apologies. I also realized now that my second reaction comes out of frustration if the person attacking me is supposed to “know me better”, or out of fear when I am afraid to lose someone I love because of something I did or didn’t do. So whatever is the situation and whoever is the person attacking me, my reaction is only validating the accusation whereas when I reject it, they are forced to reject it too. Thank you.
This fear of disappointing someone I love is the worst.
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Jodi Lobozzo Aman

You got it! Your new perspective will change their perspective and they won’t feel disappointed. It is win-win!

Kelly Hashway

Distance can really help put things into perspective.
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Jodi Lobozzo Aman

Simple, yet works every time!

Tina Barbour

I love what you said about staying committed to forgiveness. It is a commitment, I’ve found. It’s not a one-time thing. Realizing that has taken a lot of guilt away. Thank you!!
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Jodi Lobozzo Aman

I am so glad, that is exactly what I want to do, take guilt away!

Galen Pearl

What a wonderful practice of inviting questions and answering them on your blog. A meaningful help to those who ask and those who read. Lovely.
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Jodi Lobozzo Aman

Thanks, Galen, Have a great weekend!

mj monaghan

I agree with you 100% Jodi – when we step away and don’t give in to a fight/accusations, the situation defuses quickly. So many times people are just trying to get a reaction or they are misinformed about something and lashing out.
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Jodi Lobozzo Aman

Exactly! We can have such tunnel vision and then it is hard not to take it personally, when it is really about them!

My Inner Chick

–Jodi,
I always love coming over here to read your wisdom…
My friend, Tia, has this great quote she says to people who say negative words to her. She says softly and clearly, “Are you trying to help me or hurt me?”

I love that.

You ROCKkkk. Xxx
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Jodi Lobozzo Aman

Thank you! Kim! That means so much coming form a loving, beautiful woman like you! I love Tia’s idea. Usually the negative words are about the other person. Not even us! This is a good way to distinguish!
Love you, too!

(FL) Girl with a New Life

These lessons are all good affirmations for me today–sometimes it’s good to hear them again.

Congrats on your ebook as well!!!

Jodi Lobozzo Aman

Thank you, Girl! I am excited about it!I am glad. i am to stop judgment wherever I see it!

brenda

I put distance between me and the moment, and if necessary the person.
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Jodi Lobozzo Aman

Perfect Brenda, you’re a cool cat!

Responding to the Negativity of Others

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