How about a little perspective?
When I take things personally, it helps me to keep in mind that: It matters less what happens and more how I think about what happens.
What happens come and goes, but the thinking….well, we are stuck with that. And it could, and often does become a prison long after the “what happened” is over.
Some people call it “stinkin’ thinkin’.”
I’ve heard it called the “itty bitty sheetty committee.”
Recently I heard Arianna Huffington call it the “Abnoxious Roommate.”
We all have that voice in our head. The voice of self judgment and blame.
The voice uses our past like a broken record, as “evidence” that we are crap at life.
A young women was recently telling me about a time when she was severely bullied.
“After a while, I did their work for them and demeaned myself in my head.”
After the “what happened” is over, we carry it on in our head, creating elaborate stories of our incompetence, shame, and unworthiness.
Time to stop.
What if we saw things from a new perspective? What if we knew every story–every event–can be seen from many different angles? (Not just the shame angle.)
People don’t treat you bad because they don’t like you (or you did something wrong), they treat you bad because they don’t like themselves.
Watch today’s video and see what I mean.
This might be why you feel bad
This might be why you feel bad. Click To TweetLoads of things happen to us. Sometimes good things, some neutral, some awful things, and some just small annoyances. When we see it from ourself at the center perspective, we take it all personally. However, when we see that all other people are human and fragile and have limits, worries, and make mistakes, and act from their ego, we can have a different understanding of life in general. That Annoying Roommate won’t have its evidence to use against us.
**If you have been oppressed or abused, this can be confusing so I want to clarify. The new perspective isn’t that you misunderstood, or that it didn’t happen. You do understand and it did happen.
The new perspective is that: something is not wrong with YOU.
Remember: People aren’t mean to you because they do not like you. They are mean to you because they don’t like themselves.
(And it is because of the annoying roommate that you notice it.)
Has this happened to you? Have you ever seen things one way, and later found out it was a whole other scenario that you had originally thought? Tell me what happened!
You’re speaking my language, Jodi. Great stuff as always x
Thank you so much, Kirri!
Work it girl! It is as helpful as the blind men describing the elephant with the advantage that the circle maker is INVOLVED and often SURPRISED. . . glad to see it moving around. . . another good one for you: “Row, row your boat,” (HOW? ) “GENTLY” ( WHICH WAY?) “DOWN the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but” (WHAT?) ” A dream. . .”
Hi Jodi,
I agree with you there, we do tend to take things personally and think it’s the other view of a certain thing that is making us unhappy about it all, whereas it’s their thought process and the way they think about us, so it shouldn’t bother us, but it does. Changing our perspective and way of thinking is what we have to do.
Thanks for sharing. Have a nice week ahead 🙂
That circle ‘trick’ is interesting. I couldn’t figure that out. I noticed too, when you’re circling above your head the circle is smaller then at your chest level it’s way bigger. Seems fitting like things seem bigger at our heart level. One way I decipher the obnoxious roommate from reality is to list the ‘facts’ of a situation. The facts don’t have emotion and they tell a story. Thanks, Jodi. Once again, great advice and I love your video series!!
lisa thomson-The Great Escape… recently posted..Tattoo You?
Good reminder. But I do think folk should call back at some point. Not that I do, ’cause right now, I just don’t feel like talking to that woman I told I’d call back but that’s kinda her fault that I don’t wanna call. What you think about that, Jodi? Hey, you should have an Ask Jodi day.
totsymae1011 recently posted..International Church of Bey(once)
Thanks Jodi!!
Interestng program as always!!
I remember a time when I made a date to do something but the other person was supposed to text me to confirm it – I missed he text and I felt sooo bad – I stressed about it – I felt terrible!! As it turned out it was no big deal for the other person and we rescheduled – actually the other time we got together – it was better!! Obviously I needed to relax and take the other person’s perspective!! 🙂
Hi Jodi
Yes, perspective defines us! I have never taken things personally but I had a colleague, who claimed to be a friend but would always, ALWAYS involve herself and take offence over a casual or random remark about work or life! My God! she had such a one track mind…she would always think she is being referred to…sometimes we thought she is going insane!!
Obviously such people get disliked and are shunned. Sometimes I pitied her but I learnt a lot from her outbursts: perspectives need to change according to the situations, circumstances and the kind of people around us! Prudent are those who learn that outlook and opinions have to be flexible.
Thanks for another awesome video message!
Balroop Singh recently posted..Hope Is Alive!
Your videos are really great, Jodi! I’m so impressed that you’ve mastered the medium.
This post/video/message was so timely. A person with whom I’d had an exchange more than two years ago that left a bad taste in my mouth just happened to pop up on my radar again today. And I still tasted that bad taste! And I pinned it all on myself, of course. Then I saw this, and I have just reframed the exchange, and am now giving myself some credit for being brave enough to speak my truth, when others weren’t speaking their truths to this person. So, there you go. Thank you. 🙂
Laura Zera recently posted..Mental Health Treatment and Mass Shootings
I love your videos!
I used to take everything personally, and looking at the story from a different perspective is very helpful, and I practice it.
There is only one thing that helps me better than trying to look at it differently and it’s to directly ask myself this question
What is the other’s person intention in doing this or that?
Answering this question helps me all the time.
Fantastic!
Hi Jodi! You KNOW that I completely agree with this because I write about it all the time on my blog! 🙂 It is so important to remember it is our perspective, our story, that keeps us stuck in a negative feedback loop. I’ve also learned that even our striving for perfection and “trying to look good” is such a trap that keeps us from living our dreams. Thanks for all the great work you are doing in spreading the message around the world. ~Kathy
Hi Jodi
Totally agree with you.
I had got a famous quote regarding this.
You go into the disease as one person and come out of it as a different person. It has changed my perspective on everything. Things that used to upset me no longer do.
You can interchange the word experience in that quote, since every experience changes us somehow!
Love this! I have recently been thinking about this myself. Ok, this didn’t happen to me, but my husband. He got fired from a job he hated. He felt bad about it. But, he decided to figure out what he REALLY liked doing instead. He went back to school for a completely different field. Today, he LOVES his job! Goes to work singing every day. So, was getting fired a good or bad thing?
That is awesome! I love when people like their life’s work. It’s so sad because so many people don’t! Good for him! Thanks for stopping by!
I really enjoy your article and agreed with all the points. The person who can stop you to achieve the goal is only you. Sometimes we are influenced by master minds, they actually divert our mind from right ways. Our perspective is our major tool to get the lead, it’s has impact on your journey of achieving goal ,so keep changing your perspective in positive direction.
It is too bad we get in our own way, isn’t it?
Ya it is…And keep updating us with such nice article and i always like conversion on such interesting articles..
As always Jodi — you inspire my thinking — love this – so true!
A young women was recently telling me about a time when she was severely bullied.
“After a while, I did their work for them and demeaned myself in my head.”
Louise Gallagher recently posted..Understanding: It begins with Beginner’s Mind
I love the way she said it!
Jodi, I think we all have a bit of that obnoxious roommate living with us. I just got to find a way to tell mine the lease is up and she’s got to go.
monicastangledweb recently posted..Ah…Ah…Ah…Allergies!
Monica,
I like that…”Your lease is up! Forget the haul, just go! Don’t let the door hit you in the butt on the way out!” Haha
Gosh,
you’d be FABULOUS to have coffee with for about 5 HOURS! )) Xxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..8 Ways To Kick Domestic Violence Ass ( before it’s too late)
Yes, please!
Xoxo
I tried it and it helped me see things differently! Thanks!
Sis, I am so glad you gave it a whirl! <3 So happy to see you here!