You Are Not Alone

42 comments

People are in such pain. And they feel so alone in it.

I know they are not alone. I’ll prove it. I am sure some of you can relate to some of these feelings. You. You are not alone!

You Are Not Alone

Did you ever feel…

…like not answering the question “how are you?” since you can’t put the feelings to words, or you don’t think anyone would understand, or it is not worth their time?

…that it  would be worse if you shared, because if no one understood, it would feel even lonelier?

…that someone was walking all over you and if you spoke up you’d come across as overreacting? Since this was not their “intention”, they feel like they did nothing wrong. So you hold the scream in.

You are not alone, the greatest healing therapy is friendship and love

…like you wanted to tell someone they hurt you but you didn’t know how?

…so painfully lonely being you that you wish you could stay in bed all day, but then you knew you’d be lonelier?

…like you’re nice to every body, but no one notices?

…hurt that people who have treated you bad avoid you since ‘you’re a loose cannon’ since you protested their ways ONE time?

…like you CANNOT be around another drunk know-it-all?

…your loved one being sick is so horrifically unfair?

like blaming yourself when things go wrong but crediting someone else went things go right? 

…like there is nothing good about you because of how you were treated when you were young?

…so angry you want to rip the room apart?

…so sad that you want to die?

…like any minute people whom you love will figure out who you really are (terrible, stupid, worthless)?

…as if you are drowning in your own grief?

…like your impulses are beyond your control, and can’t anyone see that?

…the heartache of longing for someone who has passed away too young?

…like you’ll burst from missing someone so far away?

…so full of rage that someone violated you and is now getting off scott free?

…that nobody really understands or cares?

…like you can’t go on pretending to be OK?

…terrified of how you can’t handle one more thing?

…that other people matter but you don’t? At all. You see how many people there are in the world and think wow, little ole me. I don’t matter. Then realize people should matter so maybe they just matter to people around them. Everyone except you.

…as if  your worthless is a burden, and when someone points out the good in you brush it off by saying ‘everyone does that’?

I hear you. You are not alone!  YOU are not alone! You ARE not alone! You are NOT alone! You are not ALONE!

 

If you have felt any of them, please comment. (If you want to be anonymous, just put a single letter or a fake name in the name field.)

Please share!


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42 Comments

Harleena [email protected] Writer

So true Jodi!

I guess as long as we have one another, or any one else who knows what we feel – we are not alone.

While I was reading through your list, I was literally nodding to almost every line I was reading because somewhere or the other I have felt that too. 🙂

Thanks for sharing. 🙂

Jodi Lobozzo Aman

I can relate to most of them also, it is hard to go through life without experiencing any of them! We just don’t usually say them out loud. Hence our isolation. Just wanted to challenge that!

Louise G

When my daughters were younger I used to tell them — don’t believe everything you think.

and it’s still true.

everything I think is not true. it’s just my thinking. it’s not who I am.

when I can let go of my thinking — and yes, I’ve felt/thought those things, then I can move with grace into the truth of my humanity — connecting to you through what makes us such magnificent beings.

A powerful list Jodi — and one that reminds me — don’t believe everything I think 🙂

have a beautiful day — you make a difference.
Louise G recently posted..We are the difference we makeMy Profile

Jodi Lobozzo Aman

Yes, feeling often turn into beliefs, this is where they are dangerous, eh? It is my job to challenge these ways of thinking, but I must allow them to be felt first. (judgment just piles on the pain!

Stanley

Well Jodi, what can I say? I’ve read the list over and over and there are only 1 or 2 that I don’t currently feel but have in the past. All the rest I can say yes to the question “Did you ever feel…” and still do. However as you know I am examining these questions and a common theme here is feeling unworthy of anything good stemming from (in my case) feelings of guilt and shame!
Thank you for this wonderful, thought provoking blog post!
Very grateful for you,
Stanley

Jodi Lobozzo Aman

Just wanted everything to be allowed. Just love each of those things, Stanley!

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Bridget

Do you think everyone feels this way at some point? But then, when those thoughts take over they become clinically depressed?

Jodi Lobozzo Aman

Absolutely, I have myself. Yes, when it becomes hard to see anything else but that thin belief and it becomes your whole identity, and you judge yourself for it and are terrified you’ll never recover, then it might be considered clinical depression.

Tina Barbour

I have felt many of these, Jodi. It’s hard sometimes not to feel alone, but I try to remind myself that I’m not the only one who felt that way, and I am not alone. Thank you for sharing the list!
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Jodi Lobozzo Aman

I’m glad you feel like you’re not alone, you probably know from your responses to your blog, many people feel the way you do.

Isaac Sarayiah

Hi Jodi
Thank you for visiting my blog and placing your lovely comment. We are both trying to help others, which is great.

Hope you have had a good day.
Kind regards
Isaac Sarayiah
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Jodi Lobozzo Aman

Glad to be in good company!

Nikky44

I have experienced all those feelings, some of them more often than others, most of them being all i can see or do now. I was about to say that i hate the question “how are you” but in fact I don’t and it’s my favorite question when i know that the person asking it will stay long enough to hear the answer, when I know that the person means it and really wants to know. It doesn’t matter if they can help or not, if they can do something or not, but what matters is only if they care enough to listen to the reply. I have learned to ignore answering this question. I have 2 options: either pretend or ignore. pretending sometimes hurt a lot because it gives more strength to the feeling of being misunderstood.
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Jodi Lobozzo Aman

Oh, I feel you. I often don’t answer that question because I am afraid of being misunderstood. So often we are, and this could add to our pain. People don’t mean it but they filter everything through their own stories of the world. I think its OK to know who you can share yourself with, Someone nonjudgmental, who sees the whole you and is not scared of the problem, but loves you through it. We are two peas in a pod, we think alike so much!

Galen Pearl

We are all in good company, aren’t we? Somewhere I read about a way to think about things when we are in pain and feeling alone. (Maybe in a Pema Chodron book?) Anyway, no matter how we are feeling, we can pause and know that there are millions of people in the world feeling the same way at the exact same moment. We can connect to all of them and open our hearts of compassion, especially towards ourselves.

I just spent some time catching up on your blog. Really some lovely posts lately (as usual).
Galen Pearl recently posted..One Story — Many LessonsMy Profile

Jodi Lobozzo Aman

Thanks Galen, I love that idea. Going toward connective-ness when we feel so separate. Separateness is an illusion of the worst kind.

Kelly Hashway

I have a tendency to hide my feelings, which is odd because I’m a very emotional person. I cry very easily, yet I can also bottle my feelings. I’m like a walking contradiction. I’ve felt more than one of these things. I feel like I have so much to say that I won’t allow myself to get out.
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Jodi Lobozzo Aman

Kelly,
I know exactly how you feel. We are all walking contradictions, and it is in those contradictions that we truly live. Get it out through your writing, through a character, it can be wonderful. It is hard because often we feel like we are not allowed, but to allow ourselves will be our freedom!

Galit Breen

Oh how I love this!

Everyone needs to hear that they’re not alone. Everyone.

(Absolutely love/admire/and respect your message, girl!)

Jodi Lobozzo Aman

Thanks Galit! Glad to have you here. Welcome to my blog!

dennis

jodi, i have experienced many of these feelings and thoughts at one time or another. part of being human. and no doubt–as represented in the comments here–that many people have felt this way. so yes, correct, we are not alone in these feelings and thoughts. a good reminder! thanks!
i would like to add two points: (1) it’s ok to feel alone from time to time–we are all unique in one way or another; and (2) for some people, myself included, being alone can be quite enjoyable. there are worse things in life than loneliness–hanging out with creepy people, for example.
my two cents, for what it’s worth.
–dennis

Jodi Lobozzo Aman

LOL, that’s awesome. There’s a difference between being alone and lonely. Alone can be quite calming and centering.I love it too. Lonely causes trouble. Of course you are allowed to feel, i am not trying to strip anyone of their feeling, only honor them and then invite them to a new perspective.

My Inner Chick

Jodi,
Sometimes (many times) I feel as if I’m drowning inside my own grief.

I am in the process of learning how to live like this.

It is quite difficult.

Love to you, my dear. Xxxxxxx
glad I’m NOT alone <3
My Inner Chick recently posted..Mr. Craig, Kardashian Sucks, & Visualizing MetaphorsMy Profile

Jodi Lobozzo Aman

So many people die, and often they are at the violent hands of a sicko, ripping hearts out as they go. We need to stay connected to each other to our loved ones, always choosing love. Kay taught us both (me through you). I love you right into your heart. Tears flow and wrap you up in loving arms.

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Beverly Diehl

I have felt all of the above, at times – luckily, not at the same time or I think I would have spontaneously combusted!

Talking helps – sharing with online friends helps – writing helps. Keeping it all inside, I think of that scene in Backdraft where the instant the door is opened the fire just EXPLODES.
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Arvind Devalia

Jodi, so true!

We have been told to be a good boy or a good girl and stifle what we truly feel and what we really, really, want to say.

I am just off to scream my head off:-)
Arvind Devalia recently posted..The Zen Mantra for Coping with Pain – “This Too Will Pass!”My Profile

Jodi Lobozzo Aman

Arvind,
Welcome to my blog! I have been reading your blog and am honored to have you here! I’ll stand with you screaming until we both collapse from laughter. It feels so good to feel!
Jodi

Greg at Tiny Bit Better

I will admit I’ve felt most of those at one time or another. And many are still nipping at the heels almost daily. I’m getting better with each day, learning that I’m not alone and learning that I’m much better than I’d give myself credit for. After reading this, I’m more than a tiny bit better today. Thanks Jodi!
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Jeffrey Willius

Jodi — I know we generally think of “alone” in terms of being disconnected from other people. As you say so well, it’s wonderful to know that, even if a friend or loved one isn’t physically present with you, there are others who are “with” you in a spiritual sense.

But there’s another kind of company — one that’s every bit as direct and tangible as a human presence: Nature. When you’re in pain or sorrow, Nature’s a wonderful listener, not to mention a wise tutor on perspective, patience, letting go, gratitude, healing and grace.
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Sebastian Aiden Daniels

I have felt most of these things. I have felt that my soul was being smashed to pieces from missing someone. I have felt that no one would accept me if they knew the real me. I have feared abandonment. I have felt that no one cared. I have felt my emotions and I have survived. My emotions are not bad. Learning to live with them and ride them has been the most joyous experience of my life.

I appreciated this post. It was refreshing to read and remind myself that most people struggle with things.
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Nikky44

…that it would be worse if you shared, because if no one understood, it would feel even lonelier?

It did get worse by sharing, but not because no one understands, it’s because you realize you get even lonelier than you already feel.

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