Feeling lonely sucks. Do you know why loneliness feels so bad?
In this individualistic culture, we get so ashamed that we can’t do everything all by ourselves.
This discourse that you are weak or wrong if you need other people can really do a number on you. Because it encourages you to isolate yourself. And isolation exponentially increases any problem.
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.” Maya Angelou
We are only a self in relationship. If you were in a vacuum, you couldn’t figure out who you are. This is why it is so important to surround yourself with people who lift you up. And why it is so devastating to your soul, when you have been around someone who puts you down. We see ourselves as how we are reflected back by the people around us.
Loneliness is so devastating.
It’s like we are floating around space without a tether. It feels empty. Judgment is rampant.
This is what a reader asked in a comment this week on my Love up instead of worrying down video.
…Sometimes I try to understand what makes it so important to feel how someone sees you, loves you or just thinks of you, when you already know they do? Why do we need witnesses to the pain when we know there is nothing to do about it? Sharing something good has a purpose. It makes another person happy too, but what is the purpose of sharing pain since the intention is certainly not to cause pain? I feel this need to share, and I know it is helping me when I do, but in order to stop judging myself or feeling needy when I do, I want to understand it.
I loved this opportunity to explain this, because this judgment that it is “not OK to be needy” is something so many of us carry. And it is a 1000 pound weight that nobody “needs.”
Here is my answer:
We are social beings. Our minds are horrible to ourselves when we are in isolation. [Especially when we are in pain.] When we share, it counters that violent isolated mind. We intuitively know we need to break that isolation, this is why we desire for someone to see us. It’s not because we are weak, but because we are smart.
“Stop swimming around in your mind. That is a dangerous neighborhood to go into alone.” Marc Levy
Watch my video on three ways to stop feeling lonely:
Three ways to stop feeling lonely
1. Reach out to someone
Get to another person as fast as you can. Go against everything you are thinking about yourself and reach out to someone. You think you might feel worse, but it will make you feel better. You don’t have to tell them how you are feeling, just talk about anything. Even if it is the weather. You just have to get out of your head. You know this works because it probably has worked in the past. Don’t delay this time.
2. Do something with purpose
To stop feeling lonely: Get out of your head! Do something for someone else or for a good cause. This instantly can make you feel like you matter. It puts you on someone’s map. You belong in the picture of the world. Too boot, it can take you out of your own victimhood to help other people who are struggling.
3. Improve your relationship with yourself
First of all stop invalidating yourself and start validating yourself. Since we all know you are your own worst critic, than it’s mostly you whom you need validation from. Practice self compassion. A good rule of thumb is treat yourself like you would treat your best friend. Be kind to you!
Getting involved in a creative project helps you feel connected to your own skills and abilities. Give yourself some good feedback by appreciating yourself.
4. Join my Anxiety Coaching Group.
In the end of the 6 weeks that we will spend together, you will…
- No longer be afraid of panic and anxiety loosening and then releasing it’s hold on you.
- Trust yourself and have more confidence.
- Actually enjoy life.
- Minimize physical pain.
- Feel lighter, stronger and more aligned with your life’s mission
- Understand how happiness works and how to get some
- Reconnect to your higher self
- Experience freedom of not being afraid all the time
- Have a group of dedicated folks who will be your touchstone when you need some encouragement.
- Feel open and understanding of your place in the world. Find out more here.
Loneliness like any pain, is an invitation. Show up and allow yourself to connect.
“Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.” Dag Hammarskjold
How about you? What do you do when you are lonely? Or ask me a question below. I LOVE questions. They are opportunities!