How Do You Know You are Done Healing?

Someone asked me, “When are we done healing?” This is a very common question with a complex answer. People want to know how much more work they have to do. They go through hard times, sometimes horrible times and then they go through months, sometimes years or decades to recover. “Getting over it” or “working through it” may seem to be taking a lot of work. We peel one layer and feel good , ‘I am finally past this,’ and the next layer hits us like a truck.

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Releasing the energy

The metaphor of having to release is presented to us again and again. Why can’t we release all of it and be done with it? While it is in the realm of possibility to do this, it is not as common. Part of it is that we have a lot more in there than we might realize. And sometimes it is easier to say “yes” to releasing our anxieties in small stages. But also, I think we go in and out of energy. We might release it, completely, but the energy can form again with the slightness intention. So it is not as if we didn’t “get it all.”

This energy is just familiar and can be triggered into reforming. But we are veterans at releasing, so instead of being frustrated we are back in the same place, we just need to release it again. Sometimes it is easier the second, (or third time.) Remember: Always as Spirit for mercy! It doesn’t have to be hard. After releasing the energy we have to change whatever it is that supported that energy. This is a topic for its own post.

When we are done healing

Why is it hard sometimes? Usually, we have to see the problem to release it. Seeing it may take form of having an experience similar that triggers the energy. For example, if it is time to deal with some long standing insecurity, a new situation may arise when we feel insecure, orchestrated so we could address it. Evasive problems have a great deal of power over us. Insecurity can affect us in many ways, even if it is not in our direct consciousness. When we see it, we have an opportunity to change something and at the very least, change our relationship with it.

When asking, “When are we done?” people are curious when the hard stuff is over and the time for living can happen. We can feel better (i.e., enjoying life) yet keep practicing, keep working  at the same time. We have to learn to live at the same time and we are healing.

Moreover, we know we are done when feel connected to everything all of the time in total bliss in the present moment. This is it: We (as individuals) are not done until we are all done. It is only when every sentient being on this planet is healed that we are done healing, since we are all connected. So, while we can exponentially improve our lives, be happier, love more, be calmer and freer, we still keep coming to walls to climb over, (but they may not be as hard) until we’ve brought everyone along with us.

Healing Others

You may be wondering: Are we responsible for others healing? Yes and no. (Questions are hard to answer since we barely have the language for the richness in meaning of words like ‘responsible.’ Plus, when believing we are all one, there are no ‘others.’ Our language does not cooperate with non dual mentality.)

Sometimes we can get stuck trying to heal someone else. Their energy may be pulling us down, keeping us from experiencing our own healing. We do not want to be responsible for changing someone. Loving them where they are instead of trying to change them is infinitely more effective, even if you don’t see results. The results and healing (love) is there, for whenever they say yes to it. Which may be now or may be in a long time, (but time is an illusion, in the big scheme of the universe, it doesn’t matter when.)

When we are attached to when, we are not just loving them where they are. We are responsible for loving, not trying to change them. (Even though love is what changes them.) Since we are all connected, when you give love to them, you are giving it to yourself. And when you give it to yourself you are giving it to them. The best thing we can do for others is to love ourselves, heal ourselves, and be our best selves. For this we are responsible.

9 thoughts on “How Do You Know You are Done Healing?”

  1. Wow. Jodi, this post brought tears flowing down my cheeks. I am having a hard time seing as I type. You nailed it on the head, my dear. When I read the title of “How Do We Know When We Are Done Healing”, I said to myself “we are never done, we just keep growing.” I am just feeling so incredibly grateful right now. It took me about 39 years (I am 40 now) to realize this, especially the piece of learning to be happy and live now, at the same time as healing-that it CAN happen concurrently. Thanks again so much. Everything happens for a reason. Reading this post this morning, and the incredible drumming circle last night, is setting my day afire! Thank you!

  2. Kary Spadoni Myers

    I’ve decided that I don’t ever want to be done. As I work through the wrinkles and come out the other side, the feeling of peace and renewal is unmatched. My life shall be filled with wrinkles and healing.

  3. I read this post before and couldn’t comment as it was a very sensitive subject for me. I’m glad you gave me the link to it as whenever i was seeing it, i was skipping reading it.
    I just don’t feel I can ever love myself. As for healing? its a non stop process, there is no end.
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    1. Jodi Lobozzo Aman

      There is an end, enlightenment. It is possible. Loving yourself is possible, in fact it is the only answer.

  4. “We peel one layer and feel good , ‘I am finally past this,’ and the next layer hits us like a truck.” I was telling Pat 2 weeks ago that I’m so busy now in dealing with my actual problems that all the rest (past trauma) look insignificant. I know that I will have to deal with old issues at some point, but for now it seems so overwhelming that I’d better ignore it.

  5. Jodi, what you right here is difficult to put into words and to write about!!! This “art” and “journey” of healing — it doesn’t lend itself to the fast-paced, results-oriented world we live in. The deep healing of the heart and body happen slowly and “nonlinearly.” When we dissect it, when we put absolutes on it, when we “go at it” like we are football players going toward the goal (I can’t think of another analogy this late!), we….miss out on the deep wordless whispers within us, we miss out on the experiencing the healing that is currently taking place within us. I do recognize, though, that this dissecting, this analysis, this questioning — there is a place for that, too, on this journey. You have put words to something that is so common in the therapy moment! I’m grateful you have the words! Blessings, Lisa

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