How To Let Go of Pain and Problems


Let go of pain and problems

Holding on and letting go.

When I was in college, I had an important decision to make about a long-term relationship.

One day, I was talking to my peace and justice professor about my plans after graduation and mentioned I was trying to decide whether to follow the relationship, or follow my lifelong dream of traveling to South America and volunteering in an orphanage.

He gave me some unsolicited advice: (Y’all know how I feel about unsolicited advice? If not, check out this video: Giving Advice the Way it Can be Received.)

He told me, “If you love someone hold on to him very tightly.” He held his clenched hands in front of him as if they held a trapeze, “and don’t ever let go. Love is very rare and important.”

anxiety treatment

He was wise and I respected him, so I listened and made my plans accordingly.

Unfortunately, it had me holding on to that relationship far past when I knew I ought to have let go- with both hands- until I finally realized that wasn’t the right advice for me at that time.

Maybe I should have considered the fact that he was a celibate priest and his advice may be a reflection of some past regret he was holding onto. (Retrospect is 20/20.)

Oh, if we could only let go of stuff as soon as we realize that it doesn’t serve us. Wouldn’t that be great? Pain, hurt, negative self-image, fear, relationships, emotions, memories, judgments…you name it, we hang onto to it far longer than is useful.

Did you know that we hold onto things for a very important reason? At least we think it is important. Too bad holding onto it does the opposite of what we mean it to.

Why You Can’t Let Go and How You Can

In today’s new video I explain why we hang onto things that hurt us and then finally tell you how to let go of them!

Tweet: How To Let Go of #Pain and #Problems @JodiAman #letgo #feelbetter

You are worth being treated well.

Know that it wasn’t okay that someone did something hurtful. Practice feeling your feelings, validate yourself, and release anything you’ve been holding on to, one at a time.

If you found wisdom here. Oh boy! I have more for you!

calm from anxiety

When you understand what is going on and how anxiety happens, why it came into your life, and why it is so hard to get rid of, it takes the fear of the anxiety away.

Fear of anxiety is what feeds it and gives it power. You take that away, and it shrivels.

What did you feel when you validated yourself and finally let go?

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Thank you, Jodi. This video was more self assurance that I needed to “let go” of some of the things bothering me.

Jodi Aman


Sometimes it’s right in front of our face isn’t is? Crazy! I hope the letting go helped! Xo


I just LOVE you Jodi!! You seem to have all the most appropriate messages in just the right times for me! If you are EVER in California, I’d love to come to a seminar or teaching you may have 🙂

Jodi Aman

Thank you sooo much. I just love you too! I’m applying to do a workshop at Esalen. I’ll let you know!


You analysis is brilliant Jodi!
Oh yes Letting go can be so hard sometime. But we ought to preserve ourselves. And remember that the power is withing us. Take care and keep inspiring us.

Jodi Aman

Thank you so much Marie! So glad to see you! *The power is within us!* You are beautiful!

Kevin Ty

Iam struggling up until now for 4 years, i had bad experience with my previous school from getting bullied and left alone. and now i had graduated. but everytime, those students from past always pops up in my mind, whenever im doing things or somethings, i have to do it, without getting those people in my system, otherwise i will repeat and repeat one particular action until those people are out of my mind. and i can’t suppress them. whenever i think them, i always thought that they’re bad luck. and also, whenever i had bad luck, i felt i had to cleanse my self. cut my hair, shaved my eyerbows, cut my nails and getting a bath. i dont know. i can’t explain this. then i become conscious of every action, the way i move, talk and everything.. i think i have OCD, sometimes, i punch my head inorder to forget those stupid people and place in past

Jodi Aman

Congrats for graduating, Kevin, with all of this going on. It does sound like OCD and it must be very stressful. Try what I suggest and/or go to a counselor. You can get help for this and you don’t hve to live with it!


Hi, first I want to tell you how much I love your podcasts. I have had a very horrific childhood . You make me feel better and am thankful for your insight on things. I have Bipolar, PTSD, Anxiety, Migraines it’s a real struggle some days. I was wandering would you ever do any podcast on PTSD or Bipolar, Anxiety? If not that’s ok I just thought I’d ask. I loved your episode where you spoke about self love. For me being physically, sexually, emotionally abused from age 2-10 yrs old. It’s difficult to love yourself and have high self esteem and self confidence . Just let me know your thoughts. Thank you:)

Jodi Aman

Hi Len,

It’s difficult but not impossible!

Look at the titles of the podcasts for the topic of anxiety. I can only upload so many gigs a month so I may have more youtube videos than podcasts. Lots of my videos are for people who have experienced trauma. You can put “trauma” in the search on the top of this site. Like Why is it so hard to heal, why we can’t let go of pain and problems, etc!

I’m glad you like the self-love one. This person I speak about had a lot of the same experiences as you, and you could both relate to each other, I think. Read this, too. It’s about him:

I also talk about trauma in my Online Anxiety Recovery Program!


Laura Zera

Hmmmm, I’ll be working on this today, Jodi. Woke up to some disappointing news, and while it wasn’t hurtful, I am still finding it is affecting my feeling of self-worth. I honestly forget to self-validate; today I will practice. Thank you. xo

Jodi Aman

Oh no! Laura, I hope you are ok. Try to find how how your mind is connecting the news to your worth, and find the faults in that theorey. We can always see things in different ways!

Alison Harris

Hi Jodi.
I just wanted to say i have joined your webinar chats. I missed yesterday’s as I live in the UK so was sleeping but i have watched some of the replay.

I really need counselling support for anxiety and negative thoughts but can’t afford therapy and I’m to scared to see GP so hopefully this will help. Glad I found you! Regards Alison

Jodi Aman

Thanks so much Alison for finding me, too! I’m glad to have you here. I have tons of videos and articles on here. And my prograns are cheaper than therapy! Some are free like . I hope you find me helpful!


If someone who is not important to me hurts me, I can ignore it easily and don’t feel guilt nor need for validation. The fear and guilt and need happen if I feel hurt by someone I love. I automatically think I must have done something wrong to cause it.

Jodi Aman

This will continue to hurt you. Fear and guilt are hard on the psyche and it’s not deserved in this situation. You can feel sad, of course, that someone hurt you and this feels awful, but the self blame multiplies the problem ten fold. <3

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