Breaking up can feel like such a huge decision
The nuances of deciding to end a relationship are many and I cannot possibly cover it all in this one episode. Some of you have relationships that are legally and physically easy to get out of so it is only the emotional considerations to weigh. Others of you have your financial and social lives wrapped around your partner, including the fact that you are raising children and pets together. This complicates matters further.
When there are strong ties emotionally, spiritually, socially, and materially, being the one to decide to break up can have you feeling guilty and uncertain. It is a confusing time and often people are clear they want to break up before they are ready to lose all of the connections, and subsequently feel unclear.
Divorce is crushing for everybody involved. Since it affects other people (whom they love) beyond the couple, it is usually not a decision people make lightly. When end a relationship via divorce, you may find that the people around you might be judging that you haven’t tried hard enough, but they haven’t lived in that relationship like you have.
Break ups are complicated
What complicates breaking up even further is that we often feel a deep soul connection with people–a connection that we feel beyond our understanding. No matter how bad it gets, this connection is hard to walk away from. This connection is intense but it doesn’t mean we have to spend the rest of our lives with that person. It may be a sign that you had work to do with this person in this lifetime, but that work may be done now.
Sometimes people stay with someone far too long when they know it’s not feeding their soul because it is so hard to leave.
I put together this episode to help you start figuring out if you should stay or if you should go. Here are four questions that you can ask yourself if you are trying to decide whether or not to end a relationship:
Deciding Whether to End a Relationship
If you’re not happy in your relationship, it affects your mind, body and soul. Here are four questions you can ask yourself to get started in thinking about your future.
1. Am I staying because I don’t want to be alone?
We always think that it’s this person or nothing. That’s just not the case. The other possibilities are unknown and scary but definitely not nothing.
2. Am I beating myself up?
If you are being too hard on yourself for failing at a relationship, this might be getting in the way of your efforts to work on the relationship or decide to leave. Self-judgment is distracting. Making the decision to leave a relationship, or to stay, doesn’t mean failure. It means you’ve made a conscious decision.
3. Am I afraid of what other people think?
If people react badly to you breaking up with someone that they love, it’s more about their emotional issues than it is about you. You can’t change people so dwelling on this is not helpful.
4. Is there an imbalance of power?
Does your partner use power to control you or situations? This could be very subtle or outwardly violent. If this is the case, get yourself some support so you can see the situation from a new perspective and decide what to do.
Please share your break-up stories and be sure to include you break up decision-making process!