If you do nothing else in 2013, please know that it is time to speak from the heart. For me, not much is more important. It is time for us to get out of our minds, where competition, blame and fear run our lives and into our bodies that follow the flow of nature. And know how to love.
We can start by speaking from the heart in close relationships.
Last night I was talking to man who loves his girlfriend but had difficulty trusting her.
Is she worth trusting? Yes.
What stops you? The pain, it’s like if I have it, I have something. What if something happens and she hurts me again? I don’t want that to happen.
First of all there are no guarantees in life. But it is in the risk that we live.
Second of all, it’s like this pain held his worth. Why do we do this to ourselves? Base our worth on pain, hurt, and resentment. Forgiveness becomes difficult because our mind tells us forgiveness invalidates the horrible things someone did. If you have been hurt by someone, the pain becomes of symbol that you are worth that not having been done to you. I totally get it. And it should have never happened to you, I agree. You did not “deserve” it. Nobody does. Worth unfortunately gets caught up in it, but someone hurting you does not define your worth unless you let it.
To forgive is not to condone
But it is ridiculous because you stay suffering that hurt “to protect yourself.” Again, our ego does a lousy job protecting us sometimes.
We somehow convince ourselves that forgiveness is condoning. Issues of the mind. Forgiveness is not allowing yourself to be unworthy. I would never promote that. Forgiveness is getting out of the clasp that holds you to the definition that you are unworthy.
We need to find other ways to see our worth. Through our heart instead of our minds. My favorite way in through connection. Go towards loving relationships. Run, don’t walk.
I want this man to grab his girlfriend with both hands and love her up. Open his heart to the love she will give him back, instead of being a slave to his anxieties. It is in the connection – if he stops holding back- that 1) he will get rid of his anger 2) fill up his heart, boost his confidence, and dissolve the mistrust.
Our heart needs no protection
It needs to do what it does best, love. Our heart is hurt when our mind tells it it is hurt. It is the meaning we make around situations that hurt us most. There is good news. This we can change. And in 2013, I invite you to make this change. Run, don’t walk.
It is when you speak from your heart, make heart-centered decisions, keep the greatest good in mind. Forgive for yourself. Forgive yourself. Know that when people attack, they are calling out for love. Get some distance ( i.e., don’t take it personally), respond with kindness and dispel the attack. You will be unscathed. When we speak from the heart we can cut through another’s pain. We can cut through our pain.
How will you speak from the heart in 2013?
Decreasing the pain in the world is why we are here, and there is one way to do it. One way to heal. Love.