If you do nothing else in 2013, please know that it is time to speak from the heart. For me, not much is more important. It is time for us to get out of our minds, where competition, blame and fear run our lives and into our bodies that follow the flow of nature. And know how to love.
We can start by speaking from the heart in close relationships.
Last night I was talking to man who loves his girlfriend but had difficulty trusting her.
I asked:
Is she worth trusting? Yes.
What stops you? The pain, it’s like if I have it, I have something. What if something happens and she hurts me again? I don’t want that to happen.
First of all there are no guarantees in life. But it is in the risk that we live.
Second of all, it’s like this pain held his worth. Why do we do this to ourselves? Base our worth on pain, hurt, and resentment. Forgiveness becomes difficult because our mind tells us forgiveness invalidates the horrible things someone did. If you have been hurt by someone, the pain becomes of symbol that you are worth that not having been done to you. I totally get it. And it should have never happened to you, I agree. You did not “deserve” it. Nobody does. Worth unfortunately gets caught up in it, but someone hurting you does not define your worth unless you let it.
To forgive is not to condone
But it is ridiculous because you stay suffering that hurt “to protect yourself.” Again, our ego does a lousy job protecting us sometimes.
We somehow convince ourselves that forgiveness is condoning. Issues of the mind. Forgiveness is not allowing yourself to be unworthy. I would never promote that. Forgiveness is getting out of the clasp that holds you to the definition that you are unworthy.
We need to find other ways to see our worth. Through our heart instead of our minds. My favorite way in through connection. Go towards loving relationships. Run, don’t walk.
I want this man to grab his girlfriend with both hands and love her up. Open his heart to the love she will give him back, instead of being a slave to his anxieties. It is in the connection – if he stops holding back- that 1) he will get rid of his anger 2) fill up his heart, boost his confidence, and dissolve the mistrust.
Our heart needs no protection
It needs to do what it does best, love. Our heart is hurt when our mind tells it it is hurt. It is the meaning we make around situations that hurt us most. There is good news. This we can change. And in 2013, I invite you to make this change. Run, don’t walk.
It is when you speak from your heart, make heart-centered decisions, keep the greatest good in mind. Forgive for yourself. Forgive yourself. Know that when people attack, they are calling out for love. Get some distance ( i.e., don’t take it personally), respond with kindness and dispel the attack. You will be unscathed. When we speak from the heart we can cut through another’s pain. We can cut through our pain.
How will you speak from the heart in 2013?
Decreasing the pain in the world is why we are here, and there is one way to do it. One way to heal. Love.
Absolutely Jodi!
I’ve always believed in speaking from the heart – I guess that’s why even my comments are really long ones 🙂
I guess it makes a huge difference to the person you are trying to convey things to as it becomes like a one to one or a personal conversation when one speaks from the heart – isn’t it? There is more of connectivity that helps in building better relationships.
Thanks for sharing. 🙂
I love your long comments and I marvel at the time you have to write them. And you’re so quick to give. You personify generosity!
A wonderful call to action, to speak from the heart. I like what you say about forgiveness. I’ve never looked at holding on to a grudge as holding on to the pain and identifying with it, but you are right. Lots for me to absorb here!
Tina Barbour recently posted..Reading OCD does a disappearing act
Absorb away Tina! I read your blog today but can’t comment on blogspot from my phone. I will catch up next week.
Your friend is not in the most comfy spot. Maybe he needs a break from her. Otherwise, he holds love hostage. It’s sorta what people do but it’s not healthy at all.
totsymae1011 recently posted..Road Rage and Toilet Paper
He needs a break from resentment, that’s for sure! She’s fine and good for him. But what do I know?
This line was excellent, “Forgiveness becomes difficult because our mind tells us forgiveness invalidates the horrible things someone did…” You’re absolutely right. We tend to hoard emotions allowing the painful ones to define us, being unable to imagine ourselves without it. I’m an emotional hoarder so I speak from first hand experience (http://bit.ly/obv1Q4). He’s definitely got some work to do…tell him he’s not alone.
Thanks CeCe, I appreciate that. It’s all a bit better when we are not alone, eh?
So true Jodi. There is a big difference in life when we live from the heart instead of the mind. The mind has it’s purpose of course but the heart is a million times more powerful.
Unfortunately school does a great job of cultivating our mind but completely ignores the heart.
Take Care.
Justin recently posted..Psychic Sparks – Becoming a Psychic Intuitive with Julie Barrett
That’s is where we shall target then, dear Justin, the schools.
Love this part, in particular: “Know that when people attack, they are calling out for love. Get some distance ( i.e., don’t take it personally), respond with kindness and dispel the attack. You will be unscathed. When we speak from the heart we can cut through another’s pain.”
Thank you. Would that everyone heed it, a different world it would be.
Wonderful post! I have to agree with you here. Very well stated. As this is a life long journey for most people, this lesson of forgivness.
A long journey indeed, but maybe all roads lead to this. As I get older and meet with more and more people, this gets confirmed over and over. Thank you for stopping by Kim!
Jodi, I can totally relate to what the guy in your story is saying. It is hard to rebuild trust, and I don’t know how some manage to do it. It’s quite difficult. I say, walk away. If you can’t trust her, walk away. Which is why I’m no therapist, I suppose.
Monica recently posted..An Undocumented Youth
I think I will respond to this in Monday’s post. You make me think I should have explained more.
I agree with you. Love, even if hurts, is always worth it. We grow because it, heartbreak our not. Trust is critical in love. I don’t know enough to say stay or go, but if he is afraid to trust just because, then that’s not a good reason. My most amazing love affair took my heart, my breath, and even though I cried a river, I’ve never had any regrets. He lives on in my heart.
brenda recently posted..Top Ten Reasons Not To Write
Brenda, and I’m sure he’s inspired some of your passion. Xoxo
Hi Jodi,
Very nice article ,i love the way you raised up the topic of Feelings, love ,forgiveness etc by Saying “speak from heart”.The points you have mentioned are really one should consider ,specialy one line a like the most which you have mentioned in between the article. “there are no guarantees in life”.So always thinking and making all decisions from mind is not good.We should speak from our heart,forgivness is also a good thing which you have mentioned.
Thank for sharing Jodi!
Shorya Bist
From Youthofest
Shorya,
Thank you. These are thing I believe in. Fully. There are no guarantees but we’ll be ok no matter what.
Thank you, my friend!
This is my favorite post ever. Great advice, thank you.
Bridget! That means so much! Thank you!
Hello, my fellow peacemaker. 🙂 I so concur with you, yes I do, but also with regard to leading from the heart. Heart-centered everything, in fact! And that graphic is brilliant.
Laura Zera recently posted..You and Mental Health: Peer-Led Recovery
Loved the poster at the beginning–that made me laugh…from my heart! I had Jennifer at The Aura Reader read my aura recently (great gift to yourself, by the way). Anyway, she noted that I had a very strong throat chakra. I loved hearing this because for so many years my voice was strained and closed down. I didn’t trust my own truth and I was too afraid to voice it.
But now I can sense before I speak if what I’m saying comes from the heart. I try to speak only from the heart. Do I always succeed? No. But when I speak from fear, then I know it and I try to go back and heal the rift.
Great post. A post truly from the heart!
Galen Pearl recently posted..A Warrior of Waiting