How to Stand Up for Yourself

Don’t know exactly how to stand up for yourself? I get it. It is hard to know what to do, because how you respond is different for each and every situation. Without knowing what might come up, you can’t prepare your skills in what to do when you feel wronged, bullied or subjugated by someone. You end up feeling paralyzed and wishing there was a “savvier person” around to help you stand up for yourself.  Or do it for you. Because while you’re busy feeling an inch tall, they’d know what to do.

Does a “need to stand up for yourself” situation leave you feeling paralyzed, anxious, wondering what to do? It’s so human to want to push back when we feel pushed around. We want to be able to take our power back, when someone makes us feel powerless.

You’d rather be a tough cookie, than a crumbling cookie.

Stand Up For Yourself

This is a question I get all the time: “Jodi, how can I stand up for myself?” It’s not an easy question to answer.  That is because it sometimes feels good to stand up for yourself, but other times it doesn’t end up feeling so good.

In conflict situations, there are many factors at play. And some of them are out of your control. That’s is why there is not ONE way to stand up for yourself. Sounds complicated? It is and it isn’t. All you have to know is how to decide what to do, when to do it and to whom. And then, what not to do, when not to do it and who not to do it to. And then, when it is in between those times. See? Simple.

Just kidding. In this video, I share what is the most important thing to think about when someone is being negative with you so you come through the situation with the least amount (or no) pain.

While I can’t give you blanket advice that would apply to each and every one’s situation, what I have to say may surprise you…

How to Stand Up For Yourself

3 Steps to Help You Stand Up for Yourself

1. Give Yourself Validation

Connect with your own worthiness. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Set boundaries for you what you are willing to accept. This isn’t about getting the other person to change. It’s about knowing your own worth so you can know for yourself what’s OK and what’s not, so you don’t take the hurt into your heart. (You have to judge yourself for something or you won’t take it in.)

2. Offer Yourself Some Compassion

Remind yourself that you are human! Of course you’re going to be upset if someone is rude or demeaning to you. It’s totally OK to feel hurt. Validate yourself, please!

3. Take a Step Back

What they do or say is about them, not about you. When you remind yourself that someone else’s behaviour is about them and not about you, you can act from a place of knowing you deserve to be treated well.

You May or May Not Want to *Do* Something

Once you’ve gone through the steps above, how you stand up for yourself may look different situation to situation. If you feel safe and loved with the person in question, you may want to tell them how you feel and this feedback could help you get closer.

On the other hand, it is possible that you may conclude this is not someone you want to be in contact with any longer. No standing up required, they just lose access.

The important thing is to honor YOU and in that way, you stand up for yourself.

Have you had a recent experience of standing up for yourself? Share with me!