A growth mindset means your teenagers know their power to change and develop themselves.
A fixed mindset is a belief that one’s abilities are innate and unchangeable and that success or failure is a reflection of those abilities. It makes you feel powerless. Unfortunately, comparison culture trains people to look for and find their deficits, faults, and inadequacies, rendering their power invisible and leaving them vulnerable to anxiety take over. Instead of seeing how powerful they are, teenagers feel increasingly powerless, worthless, and out of control. (Watch my TEDxWilmington Talk at the bottom of this post to discover what and how these messages influence your kiddos.)
But teens do have personal agency. Everyone has personal agency–the sovereign power to respond, affect, and develop themselves. They have always had personal agency. They cannot not have it because they are born with a brain that has evolved for millions of years to solve problems, figure things out, and adapt. (Your teen is wildly adaptable!) They may not know that they have it because anxiety tells them that they don’t.
However, when you foster a growth mindset, that changes. With a growth mindset, they will begin to connect with their personal agency, which is the best way to overcome anxiety. As their parents, you can counter the effects of these societal messages by teaching them how to have a growth mindset.
A growth mindset is the opposite of a fixed mindset.
A “fixed mindset” is thinking you are a defined you; thus, you must manage inside that limited identity.
Teens with a fixed mindset are more likely to:
- Think negative thoughts about themselves and others
- Feel like things are not worth their effort
- Fear failure
- Rationalize away constructive feedback
- Avoid risks
- Feel threatened by the success of people around them
- Act rigid about expectations, schedules, and plans
Unfortunately, most traditional ideas of mental health encourage a fixed mindset: this is you, and you have to learn to manage it. Luckily, that is not the reality of mental health problems.
Anxiety and depression come from CONTEXTS, not internal illnesses.
Yes, biology is involved, but our biology (e.g., neurotransmitters, hormones, peptides) responds to the context of our experiences, memories, stories, feelings, and thoughts.
Teaching your teenager a growth mindset will prepare them for change and give them new perspectives on the context of those experiences, memories, stories, feelings, and thoughts. This will help them experience emotional relief and feel well and robust. A growth mindset will also help them build their confidence to take on the world.
Four Tips to Teach a Growth Mindset to Teenagers
Did you know I have a live-streamed talk show every Monday at 8 PM E on YouTube @doctorjodi? When you attend Live, you can ask me your questions. Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here:
Here is a summary of the video
Teaching Your Teen to Have a Growth Mindset
Number 1: Teach them how to deal with problems
Sometimes, teens are too close to the chaos of problems and need a reset. Show them how to take a psychic step back from that chaos and instead view it from a distance. This witnessing state can immediately ease their nervous system, making it easier for them to think rationally and calmly about a response that is in the best interests of everyone, especially themselves. People don’t make regretful decisions from this position!
Number 2: Compliment their specific ideas and actions.
People are unique and have well-honed problem-solving skills. Make sure you reflect this back to them when you notice it. In our culture, people take these things for granted, but they are exceptional when you think about them. Your teens have been so accustomed to seeing their deficits that it captures their attention. You must repeatedly redirect their attention to their brilliant, unique abilities and skills so they soon begin doing it for themselves. This is an essential parenting task that I explain in my parenting programs.
Number 3: Teach them to do difficult things consistently.
Check out my TEDxWilmington talk at the bottom of this blog post. Plus, this video helps explain this one. When People consistently do demanding things, it trains them to stop resisting challenges. It is mainly in the resistance where humans develop inner conflict and create false stories that make them suffer. When humans get used to strenuous tasks, they build confidence and connect to their agency and authority.
Number 4: Teach them to be kind to themselves.
In my 28 years of counseling others, I’m privileged to hear their rarely shared inner conversations. I have learned that people do not know how to “do self-compassion.” They have never been taught. Let’s fix this: Teach your children how to be kinder to themselves so that they can stop the destructive cycle of negative self-judgment. If you don’t know how to do self-compassion, learn it. You will want that for yourself too. Watch this video: How to have self-compassion.
I hope you like this video on teaching a Growth Mindset to Teenagers. Also, come hang out with me on TikTok @doctorjodi.
Here’s my animated video on Growth Mindset:
Here is my TEDx Wilmington Talk: Calm Anxious Kids