This question from a comment on @JodiAmanLOVE Facebook page is about the lessons of teachers and students. This is a question from Liz:
Do you feel that some people have to go through a life of hurt, upset and struggle to learn from and to enable them to then pass on their experiences and wisdom to others? Are there always people who become the teachers and others the student? Many thanks. Liz x
Who are the teachers?
Dear Liz,
Sometimes our spiritual lessons of the day put us in the role of student and sometimes teacher. But most of the time it is both. Our connection to others and our life’s lessons are so intertwined that the lesson in any single event (as if events can be singular) is for multiple parties. Perhaps even on different levels in different ways. Thus we are all teaching and learning from each other. Constantly. Through our healing, we do teach others and through our student’s learning we are taught.
“At any give moment you have the power to say this is not how the story is going to end.”
Your question also is about the meaning of life or more about the meaning of suffering. Why do we suffer in this life? It is easier to make sense of meaning through the lens that we do it for a purpose. The most commonly understood purpose is that we are here to learn and grow, and then contribute back to others through kindness and love in all forms. Following this path can be very healing and connecting.
Liz, I believe that there is a purpose for our suffering, a choice that we can make within it to stand firmly with what we give value to, to no-matter-what, put the preciousness of life first. Put love first. Put connection first. We go through hard times to figure this out. And our souls want to because this is how they develop. We probably chose this path before we came here. ( I believe this.)
Experiences and teachers
It is also to figure out how to go through painful situations without suffering. Knowing that we are bigger and greater than our physical existence and experiences. Being able to transcend them. It is when we heal ourselves, though, that we heal the rest of the world. Struggle is always an invitation into a spiritual journey (spiritual evolution). But we must chose it. (We could chose to stay suffering. But I wouldn’t recommend it.)
I also hear you asking if there are people at different levels of their journey. Probably there are, but in relative reality*, only. The ones who understand more, have developed more and are leading the way. (They developed through suffering, in this or in past lives.) This is not a burden but a joyous task. (*As opposed to absolute reality where we are one and just light.)
But also our minds are also connected, so none of us can heal unless all of us do. Plus if one of us heals fully, that person takes all the rest of us with him or her. Yay! So eventually, as far as my puny human brain can comprehend, we will all be healed, and if you believe that time is an illusion: we are already healed, just now stuck in linear time trying to remember. Which is why mindfulness is so important. The present moment is the only place we can experience what we already are.
We can also develop spiritually without suffering and still be a teacher. The quicker we learn the lesson, the faster it is over. (Again, time is relative, so this can be a mere moment or that moment could be or just feel like ten years.) If we don’t get it, Spirit will give us the lesson over and over.
Love,
Jodi
Worry about hurting people
How can I stop myself from feeling guilty of hurting someone, even if I know I had no other choice. Nikky
Dear Nikky,
Perhaps you thought you hurt someone (because they expressed it–but it is their issue), or feel overly responsible for something you did not do. This can happen with someone who feels responsible for the world.
Remember, we cannot judge another’s journey. We cannot prevent anyone’s painful experiences, but (see above) the experience is their teacher. (This doesn’t mean hurt people on purpose or never help someone out!) This person might have needed to go through that experience and you were their teacher for that learning. (We must thank the people who betray us since that invites us into a new way of thinking.)
Apologize (I am sure you did) and do restitution but only if it is appropriate. Then, just believe in them, believe they can make the choices to grow from the situation. Even if they do not now, love them the ability. That is not a typo, I did mean “love them the ability.”
Most importantly, forgive yourself, fully and wholly. This situation was part of both of your learnings. Your lesson is to learn how to forgive yourself.
Sometimes we don’t feel like relieving ourselves of the guilt, because we think it is not honoring of the person hurt. You would rather be helpful. Please keep in mind, guilt is a false teacher. It cannot help anyone. You do not help anyone by being guilty. The best way to honor this person is to forgive yourself and this will help heal them and you together.
That is how we have to heal. Together. All of us intertwined as teachers and students of love and connection.
Love,
Jodi
Your response to Liz’s question is so full of beautiful thoughts and concepts, I look forward to just letting them trickle down from my head through the rest of my body today. Thank you, Jodi!
Laura Zera (@laurazera) recently posted..The Good, the Bad and the Fugly: Friends See It All
Thanks, Laura! I hope it trickled well. This is what came to me and I let myself be freer to share what came to mind. I’m glad you noticed!
Jodi
I loved this post so beautifully stated…so layered. I am sure I will be learning from this for several days with many ah ha moments! Thank you Jodi
Thanks! So much! I can’t to hear about it!
This is a wonderful post for which i have and will gain a lot courage. You are right when you say guilt cannot help anyone. It certainly hasn’t helped me even though I hold on to it like it’s a beloved child. Letting go of guilt will be extremely difficult since it seems to have been a part of me all my life and by letting it go I’m letting go of a part of me. That is the work that lies ahead and I really appreciate the power expressed in your words in all of you blog posts. Thank you Jodi from the bottom of my heart!
That is so sweet! Thank you. I am glad you liked it! Let it go let it go let it go!!!!!!
I read this post twice yesterday and didn’t comment as my mind was too confused to really understand. There are really great lessons in this post. Thank you very much.
In the first part, you answered something I often ask myself: why people hurt each other? I understand from your reply that I need someone to hurt me so that I learn to get stronger, and forgive myself.
“If we don’t get it, Spirit will give us the lesson over and over.” That is also an answer to one of my questions. Why have I always met the same kind of people in the past? where was I treated the same way by everyone? My lesson was not yet learned.
If I forgive myself and I forgive the person who did me wrong, I am helping him heal too? because he would have succeeded in teaching me the lesson I needed? Did I understand that right? For me it makes sense now. I understand now why you said that I am not helping by staying, because that would mean that the lesson is not finalized yet?
I loved your replies Jodi. Thank you very much <3
nikky44 recently posted..Hey Friend, Welcome back!
If I forgive myself and I forgive the person who did me wrong, I am helping him heal too? because he would have succeeded in teaching me the lesson I needed? Did I understand that right? For me it makes sense now. I understand now why you said that I am not helping by staying, because that would mean that the lesson is not finalized yet?
Yes, you heal him that way, absolutely. You release him. This keep some people from forgiving since they feel the abuser doesn’t deserve it. But I think it might help you!
No one doesn’t deserve forgiveness. Not forgiving = condemning. It’s not my job to judge, then not my job to condemn. I forgave the person, but forgiving doesn’t mean I have to give him the permission to do the same mistakes again. I shouldn’t
Nikky44 recently posted..Hey Friend, Welcome back!
Fantastically said!
Sometimes we don’t feel like relieving ourselves of the guilt, because we think it is not honoring of the person hurt.<– I've been there. Guilt can compile and you can feel guilty for not feeling guilty. It's a crazy cycle. Thanks for this, Jodi. You put things into perspective.
Kelly Hashway recently posted..Tag!
Yes, Kelly, the old feeling guilty for not being guilty. Gets us every time! We have to let it go!!!!!
Jodi, I am now becoming acquainted with this feature of your blog and I have to say that I think it’s fantastic! I loved your thoughtful replies. Indeed, the faster we learn a lesson, the faster we can move on. I truly believe this. There have been many times in my life when I’m been faced with the same lesson over and over. The realization that the same lesson keeps surfacing allows me to comprehend that I am not learning what it’s supposed to teach me. Thus, I make myself look deeper into the conflict, I look for clues, I look for meaning in my angst and suffering. It is a difficult process, one that takes much time and energy, but if I am able to discover what the lesson is meant to teach, it opens up a realm of possibilities. Suddenly, things seem to fall into place and I am bathed in newfound clarity. Another lovely and illuminating post, my friend. Thank you! 🙂
Bella recently posted..Bella and Monica’s Excellent Adventure
Thanks, Lady! So once you have the clarity, you don’t get the lesson anymore? Isn’t that great!
Jodi, I agree with Bella. It really is so nice that you take the time to respond to people’s questions. You are so patient and thoughtful with your responses, I’m sure that in person, you make a great counselor, therapist, healer. Wish I knew you when I was going through my divorce. I saw a therapist (I insisted on going to a woman) for quite some time and it really helped me so much.
And as awful as my divorce was, I think we do have to experience suffering and pain, with the hope that we’ll come out the other side, stronger and empowered. And, I’ll never forget how sometime after I began to feel better about the loss of my dream of the proverbial picket fence, someone said to me that I should make presentations to help other women going through divorce. Well, I didn’t make presentations, but through my blog and HuffPo, I’ve written a few posts on healing from divorce. In fact, according to WordPress, my most popular post continues to be one I wrote at the beginning of this year. I called it, The Light at the End of the Tunnel. We’re always looking for the light, aren’t we? Thank you for fulfilling my spiritual side. Reading your blog is the only dose of it I ever get.
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Monica,
You should make presentations, but your writing is awesome, too! I always see the divorce tab on the top of your blog and know when I have more time, I will check it out. I am so glad to be your token spiritual oracle. 😉 I’ll keep them coming!
I like that – we cannot judge another’s journey. True words, but we all keep trying to don’t we?
We try because we think this makes us feel better, but in the end it makes no one feels better!