Dealing with Negativity of People Around You

When you are dealing with negativity of the people around you, keep these things in mind. Here is a question I got on Facebook this week.

When facing accusations, I always feel hurt, but I can stay calm as I reply: “It’s not who I am, it’s just your opinion about me.” But with some people I feel very close to, my reaction is completely different: I feel guilty, I cry, I apologize, and might spend hours trying to defend myself. Isn’t that contradictory?

Dealing with Others’ Negativity

Dear Nikky,

We react to different people differently all the time.  “Contradictory” is a harsh judgment for something everyone of us does. I’d call it “adjusting.” And it is actually a skill. Kids do this all the time. They act differently at home or at school. They help out at their friend’s house but not at home. If you met someone famous, you might act more formal. Etc.

You know that attack (in this case accusations) comes out of a place of deep misery. When it is not someone close to you, you have some distance to see that it may not even be about you and respond thus.  When it is someone close to you, You can feel that misery inside them and since you care deeply for them, this effects you in a different way.  The difference is proximity (energetically) to the situation and the relationship.  You don’t ask what to do about it, but I will add that taking a step back can help in this matter. You can see the same event, with a different meaning. From a distance you can see what might be going on for them and not blame yourself so much. Talking to friends might also help you see from a distance when dealing with others’ negativity.

Love,

Jodi

“People Remind Me of My Mistakes”

I am dealing with a lot of buried anger/variety of feelings, I have come to realize that I am beyond angry at myself for bad choices and what it has cost me (mainly my career, of which I loved more than I was ever aware of especially since it is not an option anymore) I struggle with being able to forgive myself, I have few outside sources that feel the need to remind me of my mistakes. Do you have any thoughts/ideas on how I can get to a peaceful place within myself?? Thank you so much for all your postings. 

Dear Carole,

It might be hard to work on forgiving yourself when other’s are reminding you of your mistakes all the time. Then you are dealing with others negativity. First, you must allow yourself to feel that buried anger!  Once you allow it, stop judging it, it will be easier to let it go and forgive. Sometimes there is a reason for losses (your career), but they are hard to uncover when we are still so upset. Being upset keeps us close to a situation.

Here, like with Nikky, there is no distance to see a new perspective and figure out the why’s of what happens to us.  We hold onto to things that don’t make sense to us and can get to an almost obsession trying to make sense of it. Give yourself some distance and the peaceful meaning will come to you. This will help you move into forgiveness and stay committed to it! Giving you all the peace you can imagine. I also have a meditation about finding peace within without judgments and self forgiveness if you are interested!

Love,

Jodi

Don’t let yesterday take up too much of today.