Mistake #5: You judge yourself
I can talk about this day in and day out, and still most people who come to see me in counseling have a problem with this. Some of them don’t even know they are doing it, but it is affecting them big time!
Through regular conversations with friends, family, and acquaintances, I see evidence of negative self-judgment with them, too! Much more harshly than is deserved.
Also, I am included here. I notice myself judging myself several times a day and actively let go of it.
I grew up as a woman in the Western world and I have complexes like everyone else-so I get a lot of practice working on it! However, I can attest to the fact that the more you practice, the easier it gets. And that the benefits are numberous and full.
I’m happy, flexible, full of gratitude, and I trust myself – even when things get rough.
How to stop negative self-judgment
This has been such a trip of observation and experience, that I came up with an easy step by step process to stop judging yourself. I explain it in this video:
[clickToTweet tweet=”Don’t should on yourself! @JodiAman https://jodiaman.com/blog/stop-negative-self-judgment/” quote=”Don’t should on yourself! @JodiAman “]
There you have it, three steps to take to stop negative self-judgment.
Deserve it, do it, practice.
Seems simple but since our mind makes everything more complex than it needs to be, I say a lot more about it in The Map To Whole Peace video series.
In case you missed any of The Five Most Common Mistakes That Keep You Suffering, here they are!
1. Not setting personal boundaries
2. Thinking that you are different
What is it that you want to let go of? Tell me about it. Pick one thing that you are judging yourself on and go through the process.
I’m one of those who didn’t know I am judging myself. I still find it difficult to differenciate between self judgement and recognizing you have or did something wrong. If I say I failed in something, it’s because I did. I`m just stating a truth.
What I pray I can let go of is self judgement and guilt when I hurt someone I love.
It’s not usually a truth. Maybe you missed an opportunity. But failure has to mean it is over. But even if your life is over, your soul lives on. Still time for more chances. Be careful what you call a truth because everything is relative to perspective. (You may see someone else have the same experience and see the good in it, but think it is a failure for you.) Light is the only truth. 🙂
I understand. . I didn’t think that failure has to mean it is over. I know that nothing is over and nothing is permanent. It is only as permanent as My decision about it. It is permanent until I do something about it. It is always easier to see the good in others and find them excuses. Sometimes it’s a way of self protection, not self judgement because it is easier to blame myself and not admit or accept the fact that someone I love hurts me. Admitting they did is like doubting the love
Hi Jodi! You are SO-O-O right (just like usual) in that self judgement is the doozy!!! That guilt and lack of worthiness is awful. Thank you for your three tips beyond judgement….growing self compassion is my favorite! ~Kathy
Thanks, Kathy!
It’s so easy to judge ourselves. It is wasted energy though. You’re absolutely right.
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Yes, yes, and thank you! You, too!
I love how you say “expect it to come back” because it is sooo true. Instead of ignoring it or thinking that it will never happen, be realistic with your self judgement and think of a positive way to turn it around. So great Jodi!!
Jodi,
I shall try to practice “NOT judging” myself.
I am my WORST critic.
Love u, you super model. x
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HI, very well explained, yes, it is easy to judge ourselves, but we have to stop it now, that’s the only way we will be free from suffering. Thanks for a great video.
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That is hard to let go of, the self-judging. I’m listening to Amy Pohler’s new book, Yes, Please. Just today, I was listening to her talk about that little voice that she hears that is constantly judging and how she lets go of it. Very interesting. But let me ask you this, how will we improve if we don’t judge ourselves to determine what’s wrong. I mean, I agree that often we go too far in feeling bad about ourselves, but is there a balance? Is a little introspection okay?
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Thank you for these great tips Jodi.
In fact we are quite good at seeing the best in others and really bad at judging ourself badly. I am the first. But I am practicing. And you’re right it gets easier to spot negative thoughts about us. Only then can we turn them around and look at the positive instead.
Love to you. May you stay well and blessed always.
I definitely agree! Let us not let guilt destroy us so let us stop negative self-judgement. Great steps that I shall keep in mind when negativity sets in.
I re-hash many of the mistakes I made, and scold myself every time for either doing what I did , or not doing something better.
I constantly feel disappointed with myself when I dealt with some pretty serious traumas in my life. I blame ME. I get so fatigued, I cannot move at times because I am so very tired. I am working my way through your material and I believe they are going to help me to get better, this anxiety is one of the worst things I have ever had to deal with, thank you for all that you do to help us, I am forever grateful for finding you.
Elaine, I am so glad you found me here, too. And I hope I can help you move on from the past! Forgive yourself for what you think you did wrong. You didn’t!!! Big hug! xoxoxo