You Are Either Right or You Are Happy – Better Understanding

How about a little perspective?

In the midst of the chaos of a bad conflict, we often have a thin, finite view of the situation. It may appear unfair, unjust, and infuriating. We want to be “right” about this and would give anything to be acknowledged for our rightness. And most of the time we are disappointed because the other person we are in this tangle with feels the same way. Not being acknowledged for our rightness, we disconnect and feel extremely lonely, perhaps betrayed and sometimes even unloved. Wanting to be ‘right’ is not a happy place to be.

“Whether you believe you can or not, you are right.” ~Henry Ford

Often people in this situation, take a step back and see the situation from a ‘bigger picture.’ Or ‘from above the battlefield.’ And from this new perspective, the whole situation looks different. We can see the other person’s view and feelings. We can be more understanding about why they said what they said. And most importantly, we make much different choices from up here about how to respond. We can stay connected and relate to each other- a much warmer and happier place.

Better Understanding

Even when horrible situations are not necessarily conflicts (i.e., loss) we can go above the situation and see the what and whys of it. People always say: there is a reason for everything but maybe I won’t know that reason for a while. I say, “Why not find out now?” Just ask. I never used to pray this way. I never asked. But now I understand that is the whole point of this life- to understand it and learn. And so I ask for a better understanding. I ask to see the situation the way God sees it. And this has made such a difference.

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5 thoughts on “You Are Either Right or You Are Happy – Better Understanding”

  1. WOW, they say there are no coincidences and you are just affirming what I truly believe, that there are reasons and they can be known. In fact thats exactly what made me crazy lately because I could not understand things but now I finally have my mind wrapped around things and am happy. My councilors use to say when I was in for the PTSD from my abuse that I was never truly depressed ever because all I needed was to solve the dillemma I was dealing with and I am fine, which has always been true. Thanks for this and also for all your kind words of support over the last few weeks and on my blog. Thanks for being one of the GOOD people out there that I didnt believe existed anymore.

  2. So true, dear Jodi, so very true.

    A word about bucking the system…I’m not one to play the game. To waste a single precious moment on anything unproductive. Not a “business as usual” soul. Every minute has to count.

    As president of a small organization, I (and over half of the other board members) talked about foregoing business meetings in person and meeting online instead.

    But when I brought this up to the secretary in an email, she responded with more angst than I’d seen in a long, long time. I never replied to her anger. Instead, I worked on letting my wounds (over her rudeness) go. I worked and worked. Forgave and forgave…

    Finally I began to hear with my heart how she might have felt. All that paper work and no one to appreciate it. 21st century or not, she’d poured herself into that labor of love, and no one even wanted to sit through the minutes and hear her read.

    And then it was time for the next meeting. It was last night. Just the two of us sitting at a long otherwise empty table. The other board members didn’t bother showing up. I sat and politely listened to her read what we’d discussed at the LAST meeting. Stuff I already knew because I’d been there 😉

    But in the end, it felt better knowing that I’d understood how she felt, than it did to stick to my guns and be right. It felt good to know I’d really heard her need to be appreciated.

  3. I was chatting yesterday late at night with one of my online friends. She told me that in less than 10 days of chatting for a maximum of 10 minutes /day, I grew to become her best friend. Nothing is special with this because i can feel really close to people i never talked to, but what was nice to hear is when she said: I really don’t know how you did that? How did you keep trying and never give up on me. For 3 months long, I was such a b**** with you, being rude, nasty, ignoring you, but you kept trying? I said there is nothing special in that since i understand why you did what you did and what you were thinking or fearing.
    It is so important to look at a problem from a distance, everything becomes clear.
    I never question God, never asked him why, because I trust Him, But I often question friends not to blame or complain, but only because I believe that to understand is to solve at least 90% of the problem.

    Not understanding the reasons is so painful. If you ask and no one answers its like being double betrayed.
    I’m in so much pain

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