Is negative self judgment or doubt pervasive in strangling many of your efforts?
Does feeling “not enough” make you feel exhausted and heavy and like it is not worth trying?
Does Fear stop you from doing what you want to do?
You are not alone. So many of us feel this way that I find myself telling my clients, friends and family to stop judging themselves over and over. And I constantly need to remind myself.
Judging yourself makes everything worse.
But it may be so engrained you don’t even realize that you are doing it.
Here is how you know. If you feel bad more than you think is appropriate for the situation, negative self-judgment is probably the culprit.
Here are three things that can lift you out of the “beating-yourself-up-blues.”
Practices that you can do to lift you out of negative self judgment:
1. Separate fact from opinion
We make up stuff in our heads and then we do a kick-a– job at believing that it is true. These ideas are just ideas. When you have an idea that makes you feel bad, ask yourself if it is fact or opinion.
If it is opinion, this can help you take a step back from it. If you still believe it, ask a friend for help. He or she usually has some distance from the situation and can help give you a different perspective.
2. Lower your expectations
What standards do you hold yourself up to? Write down all of your expectations.
I have to be the best mom.
I have to get everything done on my list.
Or, I have to eat perfectly and work out every day.
I am supposed to make more money at this age.
For each decide: 1.) Where does this come from? 2) What sustains it in my life? (Or better: How do I sustain it?)
Take a step back. If someone you loved had these expectations of herself, what would you say?
3. Embrace your imperfections
Nobody’s perfect and it is in our imperfections that we find richness and learning in life. Don’t judge your imperfections. Love yourself through them. Imperfect doesn’t mean bad. It means you are human.
Compassion is the answer once again. While judging ourselves perpetuates everything, compassion is what eases the pain. Check out The Map to help.
Here is a mantra:
“I am imperfect and I am enough.” (from the work of Brene Brown.)
These general mantra’s help remind us. If you want a strategic (specific) affirmation, click How to write affirmations that work.
Okay, Loves, you are a savvy, enlightened group. Tell me. How do you overcome self judgment?