You know how people say there are only two emotions: love vs fear?
Well, when you have listened to people talk about their life as long as I have, this concept becomes clear.
Love vs Fear
Guilt, anxiety, worry, doubt, unworthiness, victim mentality, and shame: All fear.
Joy, peace, compassion, gratitude, kindness, generosity, trust, forgiveness, and connection: All love.
Love vs fear.
Gratitude is giving and feeling love, and we can only do this if fear isn’t blocking our way.
“Pssst…There’s nothing wrong with you.”
But fears are pervasive. They make us feel like we can’t handle something. They make us not trust ourselves, even though there is often great reason to trust ourselves. And I find the best practical thing to do to counter these fears is documentation.
Take out a good old fashioned piece of paper and write down your skills and knowledge (the reasons you can trust yourself). Then, read it several times a day.
See, fears make us forget what we know.
Forget that we can trust ourself. Forget what we appreciate about ourselves. They keep us from loving ourselves.
We mustn’t let them. Instead, we have to recognize our worth, our purpose, our skills, and what these say about what is important to us. If we look at our list several times a day, it will be harder to forget when the fears come. It will be on the “tip of our brain” and fears will no longer be able to trick us into thinking we are inadequate.
Here is an example list I made with someone last night. (* with permission to share with all of you.)
“This shall pass” was the top one cut off by the scanner.
She was remembering her identity outside the fears. We all have an identity outside our fears, where appreciation, commitments, love, responsibilities rule. Let’s find it.
Thank you Jodi! As usual you have made a wonderful point on love and fear! I love the list your client made . It is so matter of fact and I can tell how much the person believes them or rather knows they are true! My question is how do you handle it when that list seems to be dis-proved over and over either by others actions or worse by your own sense of yourself?
With tremendous gratitude,
Stanley
That disapproval is in your head, darling. The list is the real you, the evidence you speak of is the negative voices. Negative voices like to take everything as evidence for their truth. They twist things and coerce the truth. They are wrong. Keep reading the list, it is there to counter the power of the negative identity and fears.
You are very welcome!
I love Stanley’s question as I can relate to it heavily. I also love your answer Jodi, thank you for offering your loving view. My question is how do I write these “truth’s” about myself without becoming self-centered? My fear is that if I love myself i’ll lose sight of my weaknesses and become too dishonest with myself. ~Naila
Knowing yourself is not self centered, it will make you better for the world, see the things on this woman’s list, they are a lot about caring for others. I’m sure many things on your list would reflect that too. Seeing the good in yourself rarely has to be against others. On the contrary, people are mean when they don’t like themselves.
This is the voice of self hatred, to tell you it is wrong to love yourself. It is an excuse for you not to explore this. Weakness is an illusion and your biggest weakness as I am assuming just from your comment is you judging yourself harshly. Honest and self forgiveness can go hand and hand. Honesty and self love, then, surely, too.
HTH,
Love,
Jodi
Hi Jodi! Thank you for your thoughtful,encouraging response. Your words have given me the clarity and understanding I sought. Now I feel better prepared to take out my “old fashioned piece of paper” and start listing some strengths! (whew,it’s scary just typing that word..but there it is!) Love, ~Naila
You’ve done it before. I can see it in my mind’s eye.
Good point. I guess I better go dig all that evidence out of my closet! = )
This is a wonderfully helpful post, Jodi. I love the idea of making up the list, and thank you for providing an example–that is a brave and beautiful list. I am going to make my own list because lately I have been swallowed up in fears. Thank you.
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Tina,
I know you are working your program, but you are more than those fears. Get to know the real you outside of them!
Love,
Jodi
Lists are a great way to remind us about what we love and what we fear, and also adding up how you can fight those fears and turn more towards love.
The video is wonderful even though it’s an old one. 🙂
Thanks for sharing. 🙂
Thanks, I love writing things down. That would be a perfect post for your blog, how documents can help us in life. 😉
It’s lovely to hear you speaking. There’s an audacity and courage required to say it boils down to just these two, and then that the two are one. Well done.
Solid, All is one, isn’t it? I believe it.
Wow, that’s a great video, Jodi. I think I’ve grouped love and fear together more than a few times. Thanks for clearing up that what I’m sometimes feeling isn’t love. That really helps.
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Thank you!
Thank you for your words and thoughts, Jodi, very valuable.
Patricia
Thanks Patricia! So nice to have you here! I see you haven’t blogged in a while, I hope that you are well!
I sometimes make lists with my daughter like this to help her through tough times. I like what A Course in Miracles says about fear, that it is the mistaken perception that we are separated from God.
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I always think of that, maybe I will do Wednesdays post on that. Great idea!
My biggest fear ever is of losing what i love and the ones I love. That’s how I connect Love and Fear. All the fears i have come out of love.
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This is a false fear, because we are all one, not separate. You cannot lose anyone, or can only in this illusion of a world. Anyway, this fear has immobilizing powers and separating powers, it stops you from so much or takes tons of energy away from other tasks and healing processes.
I really understand what you are saying, and I know how true it is. It even brings a lot of peace to think this way. It’s not the first time you say we are all one, not separate and I always come back to read those words, but although i am convinced, the fear is stronger. If i manage to calm it when I’m awake, it comes back while I’m asleep and I feel alone again.
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