Finding balance this week may be tricky with all the activity going on. Still tons of people reading and writing about the tragedy in Connecticut, some people stressing over making the holidays special, and many more just trying to survive them after a difficult year of loss or tribulation.
Finding balance for you
What helps one person make sense of awful, may not be what another needs to hear. In a recent chakras workshop, the presenter told a story about a guru who told one student one thing and the next student the opposite. A third student had overheard both and asked the teacher why he was inconsistent. The teacher said that he taught what each student needed. “One was too far right, and I had to tell him to go left. The other was too far left and I had to tell him to go right in order to be balanced.”
“Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it.” ~ Rabindranath Tagore
I can relate, I do this all the time with the people who consult me. For example, I invite a person who blames others to responsibility, and I tell the overly guilty person that he did nothing wrong. I had been wondering lately why I was inconsistent. Why did one conversation emphasize something mattered, while in another conversation, I was equaling convincing the same thing did not matter.
Now, I understand that it is about finding balance.
Finding Balance
As a blogger, then, I cannot know for sure what would sound healing to my readers since you all are so different. But unfortunately most of us are walking around with shabby self esteems, and riddled with self doubt, even if it is often below the surface where nobody but us knows. And many of us are living with some fear or another. So if I touch on forgiveness and trust, I can help finding balance for many.
“We don’t receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us.” ~ Marcel Proust
Bringing solace to broken hearts
When something is difficult in the context of our lives or our world, we have to look to our inner context and do something about it.
When we are responding to something outside of us that is awful or difficult, taking action dispels our fears and helps us connect through love. Non judgement-or forgiveness-bring us peace.
1. Trust
Trust is a balance to our fears. Trusting our response–the action we take in a situation–means so much more to us than what happened to us. It is ours alone to control. In this way we have the utmost control in a world we often feel is so out of control. We have to stop lamenting that we cannot control our world, and start trusting that if we can control ourself and the way we think about things, we can trust everything else. (Sometimes we have to let go of control over what is happening to us, to trust our control over our response.)
2. Connection
Connection is a balance to separation–which is the seed of all of our problems. Always chose connection. This does not mean having such empathy that another’s tragedy brings you down. Love them up to you rather than worrying down to them.
3. Love
In order to counter unworthiness, love wholeheartedly. When the heart breaks, we can see what is truly important to us, and respond by loving fully that important part without holding back. Love helps you give generously and see outside of yourself.
4. Forgiveness
Forgiveness counters judgment and guilt. Resentment and guilt keep us stuck. Forgiveness heals fears, separation and unworthiness. It calms anxiety. It is a package deal well worth the process.
These cover most–if not all–of what ails us.
“Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are.” ~ Arthur Golden
How do you find balance?
It’s not easy Jodi!
Though most of us do try to find balance in our lives, and just as you mentioned, what works for one might not work for another, yet we keep trying to do our bit.
I loved the points you shared, and yes, trust IS a balance to our fears. And love does conquer all, yet these horrible incidence make us wonder that where love has gone, and how do we forgive such people.
Thanks for sharing. 🙂
We forgive such people after we can forgive ourselves. Once we realize that all violence comes out of fear and pain, we can stop our urges and those of all around us.
Love is all over the news, I see it everywhere.
The hardest thing I find to balance is work and home life. I work from home so all too easy to just nip onto the computer for 5 mins to finish something and then realise a couple of hours have passed.
Finding balance in any aspect of life can be difficult as for example it’s hard not feel guilty when you see something work wise that needs to be done and your on your own time.
I always think that if you can’t trust yourself then how can you trust others, what worries me is how human beings can communicate via a keyboard with people they don’t really know and most likely will never really know and yet they can’t utter a greeting to their neighbour next door. It’s a strange old electronic world.
Thanks Robert! It is about trusting ourselves, we really don’t have to trust anyone else. And really taking time to slow down and greet people, I mean we lost that, haven’t we? I am at fault too, sometimes i can’t spare the time, but I must start to. What else is so important, really?
Thank you, Jodi, for the points that you shared. I loved the one on trust and the importance of knowing that we can control our response to what happens. That is such a huge lesson to take in.
How do I find balance? I think I’m still figuring out what balance looks like!
Tina Barbour recently posted..Praying for Newtown
There is no one image of balance, it is ever changing. You are doing it, I am watching you!
I’ve always said that some of us need to learn to make the bed, and some of us need to learn to not make the bed! 🙂
I’ve also learned recently that sometimes we change internally, and what was right for us at one time may not work later on…that balance requires ongoing adjustment and flexibility. I’m really working on “trust” right now as I find myself moving into a different direction, surprised by spirit’s latest guidance. I’m working on getting out of the way and letting the path reveal itself, but it’s easier said than done.
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That is a great analogy about the bed. We are constantly changing and need to constantly re-adjust ourselves. Our paths will be revealed as long as we are flexible and go with the flow rather than get in our own way!
Trust, Connection, Love, Forgiveness! I have found something in each of them addressing my feelings and responses to the tragedy in Connecticut.
I have to Trust my own feelings and know that they come from Love especially of children. To understand and trust that they are still here as part of the Universe.
Connection is the toughest for me. I had such a connection to this that it was as though I was experiencing what they were as an observer, helpless to do anything about it. I would much rather have the kind of empathy that helps lift up and bring healing to such an unspeakable act. To have a sense of power that we are able to bring even a small amount of peace to an otherwise horrific state of affairs.
Love seems to come so easy to me but only toward others. That is why I felt so strongly about the circumstances in Connecticut. Imagine if I could learn to really love myself how much more powerful that love would be to the whole world. Love heals all wounds. I truly believe this and will continue to work to heal my wounds so that my love (light) will shine on this world.
Forgiveness is not condoning the acts of others. That would be as if we were saying “it’s ok you hurt me, and if you want to do it again that’s alright too.” Forgiveness I am learning is looking deep inside and finding your own innocence, humility, guiltlessness. The more we practice forgiveness of ourselves the easier it will be to trust, connect and love our true selves The more that energy goes out into the world the more it brings healing to this human experience!
Thank you Jodi for bringing these important points to us reminding us and me of my tue calling! Healing!!!
I love this! Thank you Stanley!
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Stanley,
It is wonderful to see how you have grasped these concepts and taken them in. When you feel the tragedy as if you were going through it, you are not an observer but a virtual participant. That doesn’t help anyone, that is going down with worry. Try to see tragedy symbolically from an observer view.
Stanley, if you can love others, it will be easy to love yourself. You know you are already lovable. Just stop resisting and its already there.
Great post, Jodi. Balance isn’t always easy to find, but it’s worth it.
Kelly Hashway recently posted..Monday Mishmash 12/17/12 and Two Cover Reveals
Thanks kelly, it is a work in progress!
Great post, and I especially love the section on trust: “We have to stop lamenting that we cannot control our world, and start trusting that if we can control ourself and the way we think about things, we can trust everything else.” If we focus on a need to control our world, we will always feel inadequate and powerless. Thanks, Jodi.
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Thanks for liking that. Sometimes I have so much to say but it comes out jumbled, I am so glad when someone can relate to it. Love, Jodi
A beautiful rich post.
I recently read a book called “Healing the shame that binds you” by John Bradshaw where he refers to this polarity you’re talking about. He suggests people fall into one of two camps, those who blame themselves (neuroticism) and those who blame others (personality disorder), both being “deformations of responsibility”.
Yes, and I would argue that they are both blaming both in a way. How we blame others and how we blame ourselves are so interconnected. We do one because we do the other. Hope that makes sense. Sometimes we have to separate things, break them down and then come back to the truth that all is connected. 😉
Balance–now there’s a concept. Today within 45 minutes, I lost my phone three times and my keys once. I knew I was waaayy out of balance. So scattered I could could barely finish a sentence. This week has been hard. All the tragedy coupled with upheaval in my family as my daughters moved out and I began life in an empty nest.
So even though I was supposed to go to a class tonight that I was looking forward to, my body and mind were begging me to stop. So I came home, and I’m sitting here on the couch in my fleece jammies, drinking water with a slice of lemon, watching Monday Night Football,and catching up on my reading. Early to bed tonight and hopefully some balance in the morning.
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I hope you found your balance Galen. Take care of yourself and you will adjust! Find ways to stay connected! Love you! Big hug!
Hi Jodi,
When I think about balance I recall the first year of my blog and how many hours per day/week I invested in it. It was total overkill on my part and it took a severe case of the flu to make me wake up and realize I need to balance my life.
I had to trust that there is only so many hours in a day to work and I would be better off keeping my body and mind rested and balanced in order to achieve my long-term goals.
Take Care.
Justin recently posted..What Kind of Thoughts Are You Thinking
I hear you Justin. I am trying to get myself to a place where it is all much more efficient and flowing. I think the key is in planning ahead, so the work has greater impact. And I will get some help soon! So like you, I will stay balanced while maximizing my potential! Thanks for the comment!
Hi Jodi.
landed here from Harleena’s post.
Trust is really the foundation stone for every relationship and truly said it is the balance of our fears. It’s really very difficult to maintain that. I am still trying to work on that.
Forgiveness counter guilt that is something I need to imbibe in the system.
Thanks for this new learning.
Sapna
Hi Sapna! And welcome! Forgiveness seems to be a hard one for some people, but I think it is so hard because we think it is hard. It becomes our excuse. We think it will diminish our worth if we can’t hold onto the pain, but the pain is doing nothing good for us! I hope you can incorporate and come back again!
I think, sometimes too, we NEED to be unbalanced for a while, to find our balance. If we’ve been out of balance for a long time – being in an unhealthy relationship where we always sacrificed for the other person – maybe we need three months of being totally selfish. And then the pendulum can move back towards a more balanced approach.
Beverly Diehl recently posted..The Real Nightmare Before Christmas
I totally agree. If you’ve been right, I would tell you to go left for a while to balance. You got it!
I loved the 4 different points. In fact, they’re not really different as they are connected. The most difficult for me is the connection. I understand the concept. I accept it and believe it to be true. it helps always, mainly in everyday’s life, but it is still so difficult on the “bad days” where a physical contact seem like a necessity. Sometimes, it’s like the physical touch makes things real, whether it is the pain I feel or the love i am given.
Nikky44 recently posted..Guest post: An open blessing
You do need some touch. I still recommend frequent massage as a pat of your healing process. When you can afford it. It will help so much for you!
My favorite line, which I am adding to my quote collection is this:
“Love them up to you rather than worrying down to them.” What an excellent way to help us grasp what we need to do, if not for our own sanity.
You write that you cannot know for sure what sounds healing to us. That’s okay. The way I see it, your blog is like a feast for the soul. A banquet buffet, if you will. I put on my plate what I need in that moment. It’s a la carte. Maybe everything doesn’t apply, but I know I’ll always find something good here. And, often I find it just at the right time, when I need it most. Happy Holidays, dear Jodi!
Thanks Monica! I do my best. I write what comes to me. What I hear from people over and over again. So it’s a good chance to have it apply to many. Thanks for saying you always find some nugget. It makes it all worth while!