Do you have neediness anxiety? You know what that is. Anxiety about being too needy and driving people away from you?
Here are a few more thoughts on “Need”… (See Thursdays post A Question of Need)
Many people have neediness anxiety: AKA “worry about being too needy.” Being “too needy” is generally frowned upon in our individualistic culture. And when we (like appropriate, regular human beings) desire some help or company, we mistakenly think something is way wrong with us.
This is ridiculous!
Interdependence vs Individualism
If you want to be happy for an hour, take a nap, if you want to be happy for a day, go fishing, if you want to be happy for a year, win an inheritance, if you want to be happy for a lifetime, help someone.
(I think the last line could read “love someone.”)
We are an interdependent species. Our community is an extension of our selves. We are all one. Individualistic ideas have caused so many problems in our lives. Maybe, I might venture to say, have caused almost every problem. It leads to feelings of guilt and fear and inadequacy and worthlessness, etc. Aren’t these the root of every problem?
People worry their ‘neediness’ will take time away from the other person they ‘need,’ or burden them. They feel like they shouldn’t need. They don’t feel worthy of needing. This judgment and fear has them feel more separate and alone.
Be worthy of needing
I have found, however, that people love to feel helpful. It gives them a purpose and makes them feel good about themselves. And when they are appreciated for this, it energizes them and improves their self identity. Interdependence is synergistic, benefiting everyone. In this case, there is an energy exchange, both parties give and both parties receive. You are being generous when you ask for help. You are allowing someone else the blessing of helping. Some other time or with someone else it will be the other way around. You can count on it!
Of course, I’d love to change the connotation of “dependence” in our culture. Dependence, interdependence, co-dependence, have all gotten a bad wrap. What if we did away with the negative meanings and embraced them once again? What if we looked at one another and saw holiness, or what if we thought “dependence” and felt loved and loving? And, what if we knew that giving to another person is giving to ourselves?
There might actually be peace on earth.
Do you have neediness anxiety?
Please share the love…