Worrying about feeling too needy is all too common today. Do you know why? Shame is rampant. We feel unworthy of other’s people time and energy. It is just a consequence of us deep down feeling that we are not good enough.
Most of us KNOW we are good enough, at least at some level. But in our hearts, we still worry we are not, and everyone else will find out soon.
This strips us of our confidence. It makes us insecure and feeling unworthy. Feeling disempowered in ourselves, we look to others to make us feel better. This is smart as long as you pick the people in your life who lift you up, rather than those who push you down.
However, if feelings of unworthiness get under our skin, we isolate ourselves and this is the worst thing for us! Our shabby self esteem has all kinds of justifications for it, and we end up feeling worse. Negative thoughts become incredibly powerful and violent when they stay in our head alone. And this makes us more in need.
Then, we need others to make us feel better.
When you disconnect from people who love you because you feel unworthy, this makes things hard for them. The energy feels accusatory. Their ego registers guilt and this doesn’t feel good. They may not be able to take a step back, and have awareness about what is going on, and realize that you are calling out for love.
So that guilt might cause them to do something that invalidates you rather than makes you feel better.
You can’t give all that power to them, because even the nicest people in the world are not perfect. And on their hard days, will respond out of their own shame.
So the best way to stop yourself from being needy, is to love yourself through it.
The best way to stop yourself from being needy is to allow yourself to be needy. Yep. Be really needy and appreciate all that someone does for you. Your loved one will not be defensive and love to feel helpful! Then, as if by magic, you will feel so validated and worthy that you will stop being needy.
(This seems weird that I am promoting your end goal to be “less needy”, while telling you that I want you to be totally OK with being needy. This complication is why it is so hard for us to figure out! But just trust me on this. Be needy!)
Same with being too sensitive.
Somewhere along the line “too sensitive” got a bad rap, too.
Sensitive is wonderful, beautiful, blessed.
If we are ashamed of being too sensitive, however, this becomes a problem. We feel awful about ourselves and this can be painful. Then it becomes more proof that we are “sensitive.”
Listen, it’s not the sensitivity that is painful, it is the shame about. If you are sensitive and acknowledge yourself compassionately about it, you can move on quickly. When you feel sensitive and get caught in the shame, you are stuck and it feels ten times worse.
You just think of it as being REALLY sensitive. But it is not.
What we don’t realize is that shame is the problem.
Shame is always the problem.
Watch this video where I explain a bit more in depth.
How to Stop feeling LonelyAre you too needy or too sensitive?Click To Tweet
Tell me a time in a relationship when it was mutual and you both felt good about what you gave to each other. Did it make you more confident and relaxed?