On top of how much we judge ourselves, we also have a significant amount of worry about what this all means, how long is it going to last, how it will affect my life, and what will others think, etc. I invite you to consider the diagram in the previous blog entry.
Worry Globs
When worry is present –and though it takes many different forms, it hardly ever absent—I try to make this visible, too. Once I have all the worries clearly named, I ask them to add them to the diagram to let me know their size in relation how many units of distress it is. You can see the result.
I go over this in detail in my book You 1, Anxiety 0.
Worries can get very big for some people. Sometimes even taking on a bit of a life of their own. If we took away the worries and the judgments, there would be so much less distress. It reminds me of Buddha when he says that the ‘suffering’ is not the pain, it is the angst and the fear, (AKA judgments and worries.) You may be wondering how, in this culture of self judgment and worry, do we take those out of the equation. I may leave this for another blog entry, but I will say making this all visible will surely have some effect on the distress.
More to read:
7 Ways To Stop Someone from Suicide
“If we took away the worries and the judgments, there would be so much less distress” true, or at least, it would allow you to see what is the real issue that you need to work on. I don’t know if it works for everyone, but it does for me. It’s only when i can stop the worries and/or expectations and judgement, that I can address the real problem, that most of times is either minor and easy to solve or major and we realize we have to adapt and make it part of our lives.
So many times, we work on getting better by dissolving the worries one after the other, but never get the chance to “attack” the real issue, so the worries we worked on will be replaced by new ones. When we put aside the worries that are things that did not happen yet, and we deal with the “original” issue, the worries will disappear alone.
nikky44 recently posted..Hey Friend, Welcome back!
Nikky, Hiya!
So the trick is to do both, get rid of the worries and the “real issue,” which I am going to assume it is about judgment, aka, guilt, shame, fear, worthlessness…yes? The real issue is not the event that caused the problem it is the effects of that. Forgiveness is then our only task. (the self).
Love,
Jodi
what I meant by “real issue” and making it part of my life if I can’t solve it, I was mainly thinking about my situation as long as I can’t find a way to leave. Sometimes I need a break even from thinking to find a way out
Nikky44 recently posted..Hey Friend, Welcome back!
Then, take a break. Sometimes I wonder if the small part of the burden from thinking about it is keeping up the idea that you deserve it. I know it all takes so much energy though on top of this. But what I was talking about goes beyond context. In a way, taking a break is exactly what would be healing. Being in the present, a break from worrying and feeling guilty. Take little action steps here and there, but take a break from thinning in between. You will drive yourself crazy. One little step at a time. Focus on one. Contacting your sister and/or getting cash for tickets. Tell me what you need.