You are. You are stronger than you think you are.
Sometimes we don’t even know what we can handle until we are there working through it.
And we surprise ourselves. We are really amazing when we allow ourselves to be.
When it comes down to survival, it becomes too important to let things like low self-esteem and self-doubt hold us back.
Without doubt and anxiety, we allow our awesomeness to shine.
Did you know you are stronger than you think you are?
Did you know you have skills that you may not even notice?
You must have them, because you have made it this far and that is no small feat. It is amazing. Being where you are today is amazing. You’ve been hurt, left out, you’ve lost people, you been disappointed, scared, rejected at the very least. We all have. And you are still kicking.
Nothing short of amazing.
You’ve used mad skills to get where you are today. This means you CAN trust yourself.
You can do it.
What is that something that has helped you?
We all have that something that got us through a hard time. In this video, James tells us what his something is.
Who’s James?
He is somebody awesome.
I interviewed James on the Chamber Boys Radio show at the University of Rochester.
(You can see that the boys are in a room adjacent watching us through glass. James obviously agreed have a therapy session on the radio, and also gave the boys permission to interupt us at their will.)
It was great talking to James and but like so many of us, he thought that he was the problem.
“I have no idea what is going on in my own head, I can’t seem to be comfortable in my own skin, cause I am so used to masking who I am with a substance.”
In the conversation, we took the focus off these failures and put it on some important skills.
These are some questions I asked James…
Why did you decide to get help this time?
What did you pray for?
Where did the strength come from?
Why don’t you want to die?
This took him into a conversation he had never experienced before with a counselor and he liked it. It was a conversation that kept him in the present, instead of the past. I helped him begin to define himself by his skills and abilities, rather than by what happened to him.
Wanna watch it?
*Sexual explicit warning* The boys attempt to get raunchy, but we get back on track quickly.
You are stronger than you think you are
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15 minutes at a time
We get so overwhelmed at thinking we have to succeed in our life, and handle it all. And make it, and do it well, and fix everything, and be the best at everything. And be cool and pretty and young, and never, ever make a mistake. Ever.
Of course, we fail before we start.
Forget all that high expectation self-torture. It will always trap you.
Listen.
All we really have to do is get through the next 15 minutes. Just one 15 minutes at a time. That’s all. Just one foot in front of the other. You can do that.
Just breathe. Just eat one bite and know it nourishes your body. Make a phone call. Just get out of bed. Just write that one email. Wash your dishes. Put a load in. Do one thing.
Then, celebrate each of those things.
Thinking of your obsessions only 23 hours a day instead of 24? That. Is. Amazing.
Your doubt tells you that it is not important but it totally is. Doubt tells you you are weak. Doubt says, The 23 hours is an abomination.
But what if you focused on the fact that it was an improvement? Wouldn’t that give you energy to keep going rather than be defeated just out of the gate? What if James, instead of beating himself up that he had obessions, set his goal at only allowing them 22 and a half hours? And celebrated that success by feeling good about himself.
1. Ease up on the negative premature conclusions you make about yourself.
2. Remember it is hardly over. This is just the juicy middle.
3. Celebrate the little things. This infuses you with energy.
4. When doubt tries to get the upper hand, distract yourself.
5. Notice and appreciate the good things.
Over to you readers…What if you celebrated that you were stronger than you think you are?
I had a very bad night, and the worst was between 4 am and 6. Everything seemed so dark and impossible. Negative feelings were overwhelming. In less than 15 minutes, just an effort to remember the love and connection, made all the difference.
Getting through those 15 minutes made me achieve many little things:
I had one hour sleep
I booked 2 doctor’s appointment
Contacted my lawyer
Contacted my psychologist
Went to the emergency clinic
All these I have been postponing for very long.
You are right. Instead of obsessing about how I was feeling, I want to celebrate those little things I managed to do today, despite the way I was feeling.
Thank you Jodi
James is great! I admire him <3
I love you, Nikky.
& think of you often, dear. XXxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..A Beautiful Resurrection
Love you too Kim <3
Hi Nikki, I appreciate your visits to such positive minded blogs and you will surely be able to overcome all that is troubling you. I have seen that your blog is lying almost abandoned. Start writing…the energy and the will lie within you! when you wake up, and find it difficult to sleep again, that is the time to get up and write. you will feel better if you share all your thoughts, even if you do it on a piece of paper or a screen.
I have added this link here, just for you and there is more to lift your spirits at my blog. Try reading, ‘Why is Pain essential in life’, another helpful article at my blog. Hope you will feel better!
Balroop Singh recently posted..Emotional Setbacks: How to become your own Therapist
I hope Baloop and Kim got you excited at what you did and can do when you believe in yourself. You are special, and good and worthy! I love you!
Wheh I received your reply in my emails 2 days ago, it was exactly what I needed to hear from you. I love you too!
Jodi – You are amazing!! The way you handled yourself in this piece (there were some icky bits!) – such grace and power. I LOVE your work.
Thanks, Kirri! It’s hard when it’s not “your show”, but I can take those boys! I knew I had the power in the room! In my training, we were taught how to interupt. This has served me well.
You know I am a fan of you as well! xo
Jodi, what a great interview with this young man. I like what you said “distraction are great as long as your not hurting yourself” and finding what goes a long with your goals and dreams. Drugs are not my issue although gambling addiction had been an outlet. One I no long give in to. Looking at my trauma/ptsd these last few months, with compassion for others as well as myself and practicing non – judgment of myself/others has helped not feeling so alienated. Thank you for your service. Goldie
Goldie, you are blooming before my eyes! xo
***Why Do You Want To Live?****
Powerful, Amazing, Life-Changing question, Jodi.
WOW.
LOVED this conversation w/ James (except the choking part)
He is smart & has MUCH potential. I believe he’ll make it!
YESSSSSSSSS. xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..A Beautiful Resurrection
I hope so, I couldn’t reach him to comment on this post, but no matter how many times we fall, there is always another chance. I hope I gave him that message. xo
Hi Jodi…this is really awesome! Very meaningful!
In my view strength is developed through difficult times if you are determined to shake off all the thorny views, judgmental people around you and follow what you feel is right. when it comes to unshakable habits like the one mentioned here, nobody and I repeat NOBODY except you can help yourself. The voice to fight addiction has to come from within, the strength also has to be built by us, only then can external factors contribute. Listen to the inner voice, it always warns. If you have been able to strengthen your mental faculties, you surely can vanquish those demons, which weaken us.
You are doing a fantastic job, Jodi, by providing the assistance in combating the elimination of such substances which are no less than a disease.
Balroop Singh recently posted..Do You Believe in Giving?
Hi Jodi, this is awesome…very meaningful conversation!
I believe that strength is developed through difficult times, by facing the thorns and emerging out of all those pains successfully. Strength lies within us, we have to awaken it, we have to realise its power and in case of such habits as mentioned here, you and only you can combat them. Only if you decide to shake it off can the external factors help. Your inner voice always warns you, only if you are strong enough to pay attention to it.
You are doing a great job, Jodi by providing so much of assistance!
Balroop Singh recently posted..Do You Believe in Giving?
Balroop, I believe that we do have guidance if we are quiet enough to hear it. Our doubt and judgment often get in the way. Once we let go of these, there rest takes no effort. There is a direct line to our inner wisdom and we can hear it loud and clear!
Thanks, as ever for you comments and for answering Nikky!
Hi Jodi,
Congratulations on the first kind of a session video of James this time 🙂
I heard through the talks and it was wonderful indeed – keep them coming – learning for all of us. Yes, the strength is something we all have to gather and we are actually stronger than we think we are and it shows up in our down moments, which makes us believe so.
Thanks for sharing. Have a nice week ahead 🙂
Thank you! That gives me an idea to do this sort of thing, like in Fraiser – the TV show. Do therapy on video- with willing people. I think it would help people so much! But I don’t think I would get many volunteers. It would have to be an anonymous call in radio! Hmmm, the wheels are turning. Thank you for the idea! xo
Celebrating the little things is so important.
Kelly Hashway recently posted..Writer Wednesday: Writers Need Rewards
I haven’t been feeling very strong lately. Perhaps I just needed to read your post. Thanks.
Renee Johnson recently posted..The Portrait of Wanda Smithey
I hope it helped. We are often our own worse critic, and all the greatest we are, gets rendered invisible. Don’t let it!
I hope James knows that the universe is pulling for him! I have a friend who has been clean and sober since 2005. I remember well how obsessed she said she was with the idea of using — she said she thought about it all the time, every day, and it drove her crazy. It was pure torture. But 15 minutes at a time, and then a day at a time, it did get better. And James, if you’re reading this, it will get better for you, too!
Jodi, great job with the interview. Not an easy format, but really a neat idea to be able to demonstrate what non-judgmental, compassionate listening looks like in practice.
Laura Zera recently posted..Mental Health Resources for Kids
Such sweet thoughts to James! Thank you kindly! I am glad the real work came through! Thanks for your support.:)
Looking forward to reading through more. Excellent article.Thanks Again. Really Cool.
Thank you for coming!
Yep, we are stronger, Looking back at what’s been overcome is a reminder. The reflection is always sweeter than actually going through it.
totsymae1011 recently posted..It All Started with Underarm Shaving
You say it perfectly!
What if even 15minutes is too long and it has been for over half a lifetime? Sorry
I’d love to understand this better, can you explain? I want to know. xo
It’s hard to explain really.
Sometimes holding on for that 15min is too long to aim for, I have to survive just a minute at a time.
Feeling this way has been going on for over half my lifetime, first remember wanting to not existanymore when I was 8 or 9 years old.
I’m sorry, but now, being strong isn’t enough. I’m tired of holding on. I guess that’s the short version of how it is.
on the way recently posted..“Sane New World”…
What has kept you holding on up to this point?
I made a promise, after an overdose when I was 17, that I would be here for my friends, no matter how hard it gets. That promise has kept me alive because I don’t want to be letting them down.
but if I am honest, the only thing that has kept me here is that there is nothing 100% certain to work in my attempt to not be here anymore and so I will not take the risk of failing again.
If I was given that choice, something certain to end this, I would take it in an instant even with the promise…
There is something for you to do here on this earth. Find it and things will change. If everyday you only exist because you cannot not, that is not real living. My heart goes out to you as I wish you to live, not like this but with vitality and purpose. I know it’s there.
Hi Jodi,
I really liked this post and point you raised ” about our inner strength that we are not aware of”. Yes, i really agree with you we are unaware of our strength and power until we are not been through hard times. It happened with me alot of time that in my bad phase when i was really facing hard time, i learned that i was have more strength than what i have ever thought. You only realize it when you are out of your comfort level.The interview was great with James, he seems to be strong enough, best of luck to him.
Thanks
Nikita
Nikita recently posted..What to get my Boyfriend for his Birthday
I would have to say that my word or thought that has brought me this far is Hope.