Are you finding it hard to heal? This is the big question. Sometimes trying to feel better is like swimming against a very strong current that wants to drag you the other way.
Why is it so hard to heal?
The negative voices in our heads can be pervasive and leave us feeling defeated and confused. Then we are depleted of the energy needed to move out of the emotional turmoil that those unrelenting voices have caused. Like a vicious cycle, especially when we have been abused in our lives, those voice continue to abuse us and push us even farther into despair. Again, here’s a powerful example of the havoc that voice can do from Abuse? Surviving and Thriving!
Strong feelings of unworthiness, guilt, shame, despair, self-blame, feeling unloved and un-lovable. For me I see it everywhere. Almost everything reinforces these feelings. If I don’t understand something it means I really am stupid. When someone doesn’t look at me while passing on the sidewalk it means I’m not loved and not lovable. If I make a mistake it means I’m incompetent. If I work on self-love it means I’m selfish. When I do something well I almost always think it was just dumb luck. If someone gives me a compliment I think I’ve really fooled them. And the list goes on. It is so hard to get out from under the weight of these self judgments!
We want to feel better, so why don’t we?
When we hear it’s a mere “choice” to feel better, we want to choose it. So we choose it, and then when we don’t feel better, we feel even worse than before because it should’ve been as simple as making the “choice”. If that works for everyone else, why didn’t it work for us? In our minds this proves we are “different,” like we’ve always suspected. We can’t help but believe that for some reason healing isn’t accessible to us. It confirms everything that that negative voice is saying, is true. The negative conclusions about ourselves are “confirmed.” What’s the use of trying? We think. And then all but give up. Wait! Don’t give up. Intention is part of it. But it’s not all of it. I’ll explain. But first, let me expose the four main barriers to healing your emotional turmoil.
The Four Reasons that it is Hard to Heal
1. You worry that healing might feel worse than before.
This feels out of control, and if there is one thing that has protected you in the past, it is holding onto control with every fabric of your being. Your ego does not want you to change. It will do everything to keep you as you are, especially tell you that healing might be worse.
Break through: How can it be worse? When you think about it you know this is ridiculous. Healing is by definition better. Trust. Joy is better.
2. You wonder if you deserve it.
You are not totally sure you did not deserve the awfulness that has happened to you. This is also why it is so hard to heal. So many people have told you that it is your fault. It’s hard to know what the truth is. Just like, you think that if it is your fault, you don’t deserve to get better so you must figure it out first. I’ll help you:
It is not your fault, it is not your fault, it is not your fault!
Forgive yourself for any of your responsibility or supposed responsibility. Read The Map to find out how.
Break through: You are light. You absolutely deserve it.
3. If you heal the other person gets away with what they did.
No, never. It is never OK what they did. The best way to get out of under the power of an abuser is to heal yourself. Staying in suffering is not a way to hold the abuser accountable. You are just holding yourself down. Nikky asked on Becoming Free The ultimate Healing Is Yours.
“People are not mean to us because they don’t like us, but because they don’t like themselves.” You say this in many posts, and I agree, but it always brings another question to my mind. I don’t like myself, but I don’t consider this gives me a “permission” to be mean to others? It’s not an excuse?
I often say, “People aren’t mean to you because they don’t like you, they are mean to you because they don’t like themselves.” This is for you, the receiver. This never means it is OK that they are mean. Of course, it is never OK to be mean. I say this for you, so that you don’t take what they say as part of your identity. They have to deal with their meanness on their own, and they WILL be held accountable by a Higher Power. You do not have to stay suffering to make them accountable. Nor do you have to teach them a lesson. Your job is to not let it reflect on you and how you see yourself.
No they don’t
Knowing that people who hurt you have also been hurt in their lives, is not just so you have compassion for them and forgive them. Being hurt is not an excuse to hurt others. But understanding that what they do comes out of their own misery helps us realize it is not our fault. It frees us from responsibility, self-blame, and the victim mentality that comes after being hurt. Nikky says she does not like herself. Once she realizes that she is not responsible for how other people have hurt her, she’ll begin to like herself.
Break through: The Universe invites people to make up for what they did. You don’t have to continue to suffer any longer. I believe that energetically when you heal, it frees them to begin their restoration for the world. They have work to do. Again, you don’t have to do anything.
4. You wonder if it is possible.
You have read so many stories of people feeling better after being broken, but you have stayed stuck deep in despair and pain. Maybe it is hard to heal because it is not possible for you. Equally, the hurdles seem too big and you’ve tried forever. And now you are exhausted, and defeated.
Break through: It is totally possible. I have witnessed it hundreds of times. I’ve walked it myself.
Love is here for you. Read my interview about #love on Facets of Joy.
Healing is here for you.
It is time to let go. Here is how to let go. Now it is time to practice, practice, practice.
I’ve prayed for 20 years but received no answer until I prayed with my legs. ~Frederick Douglass
It takes work. It is hard to heal because that current runs deep. But eventually the healed part of you will push the flow in the opposite direction.
Please add a comment! Let me know how far are you willing to go to feel better?