Relationships take work to sustain. There are ups and downs. The ups sail along nicely. But the downs? They can really kick you in the butt. They make you really wonder, Does he love me? (Or she.)
Any sign of trouble* can raise your insecurity to a devastating level.
Or… sometimes it is your insecurity that is the problem in the first place. See, insecurity is epidemic in this culture that supports ‘the best man wins.”
It affects every part of our lives. Especially our relationships.
Feeling insecure is like being constantly beaten with a stick. When you are down, you just get beat harder.
These three reasons may be why you wonder does he love me.
1. You think that you are unworthy.
You wonder if you are pretty enough or smart enough, so how can someone love you?
2. Your mind is parked in the past.
Nasty voices from the past still have residence in your mind. You look at these as evidence that no one could love you. Maybe someone told you that, or maybe someone left you. Either way you have concluded that something must be wrong with you.
3. You are afraid.
It is scary trusting that you are loved because what if you are wrong?
Feeling insecure makes us do funky things in a relationship. We might isolate ourself, hold back our hearts, or accuse the other person of not loving us.
Beth did all three of these things when she felt her boyfriend didn’t love her. In trying to protect her heart, she was pulling away. And she felt worse and worse.
I’m going to tell you what I told her.
The best tip in getting more love when you are insecure in a relationship.
Love is as healing when it’s given as when it’s received. Give what you most desire.
When you think Does he love me?, you are feeling insecure.
Make your loved one feel special. In a mutual relationship, they will respond in kind.
Don’t do it just so it comes back though. People could see right through that. Let the other person know how you feel because that alone feels good. Even in the giving you can feel more connected and thus more secure.
Sweet nothings coming back to you is a bonus. You’ll no longer wonder does he love you
Also, remember, it is better to ask for what you want instead of complaining.
*If your partner is abusive or demeaning, don’t blame yourself and your insecurity. Get some support quickly.
Have you ever tried this? What happened?
Hi Jodi,
Good to be back over at your blog after my little holiday 🙂
Yes, you are so right – we do tend to get insecure off and on, but I think those are just phases that perhaps come due to reasons. I guess it’s best to clarify such issues and talk it over if you have doubts too.
I loved what you wrote – Love is as healing when it’s given as when it’s received- though I wish people would just love each other without expectations, which is tough for most, and that leads to frustration at times.
Thanks for sharing. Have a nice week ahead 🙂
Thanks Harleena. We would be so much happier if we had no expectations. And many people say that they don’t have expectations- myself included- yet they still get surprised when people are less than they can be and wonder why. We are all walking contradictions. But I believe that one by one bits of doubt can be let go! Thanks for coming over!
Jodi Aman recently posted..When your love is insecure
Wise words, Jodi! I have had the problem of hearing voices from the past in my mind, telling me I’m not good enough, and it affected my relationships. I agree that showing love, giving love, without expectations, is the right way to be in relationship. It jibes with the wisdom of treating others as we would like to be treated.
Tina Fariss Barbour recently posted..7 ways to cope in times of overwhelming anxiety
It does, doesn’t it? I always followed this edict, “Do onto others…” But then, I have learned that it is not “Do onto others so they do back.” I let go of expecting anything back from people and just find joy in the doing.
Jodi Aman recently posted..Are you too needy or too sensitive?
Hi Jodi,
I believe love is at its best when given unconditionally but at the same time it is very wise to address the feeling of insecurity. When love is not reciprocated, when somebody is too demanding or indifferent, it is time to analyse and take action. Many times people just wait, hoping relationships might improve but that never happens if love is not there.
It is always better to talk it out, to your partner or a confidant who can guide if there is a feeling of low self esteem or insecurity. I think you are the best person to talk to.
Thanks for sharing so much of wisdom.
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Thank you! You are so kind. Yes, sometimes there is something wrong in the relationship that adds to these feelings. And that is a whole other conversation. Most of the time, it is a misunderstanding, but left for a long period of time loads of damage is done. But also for many reasons people aren’t what we want them to be. I agree with you, a friend can help you see from a distance if it is you or the relationship. You are wise, too, my friend.
Jodi Aman recently posted..Three reasons you think he doesn’t love you
“It is scary trusting that you are loved because what if you are wrong?” This one applies I think to all my insecurities, not only in relationships. What if I’m wrong that my work is done right? what if i’m wrong to believe I’m a good mother? what if I’m wrong that my friends love me? what if I’m wrong….
In relationships, I still don’t believe that the problem is me feeling unworthy. It seems the opposite? It’s like I know my worth, but I need to make others see it? So I get exhausted just trying to prove my worth, to people who already know it, and that leads to problems, or I keep expecting the ‘wrong” persons to see it, and that leaves me constantly insecure.
Nikky44 recently posted..Ego versus Soul
I do see what you mean. In the past so many people treated you as if you were unworthy, but you always knew they were wrong. But now people know you are worthy and you still try to prove it. If you projected your worth, then people will reflect it back to you. That’s the fastest way to prove it. Live it. This might include not caring what others think. It’s less work than the hamster wheel. And soon your worth will be reflected back anyway. if you stop worrying that you are wrong and live being right, it will be so. Make sense? Trust.
Jodi Aman recently posted..Love up instead of worrying down
A much needed post for me. I face all three of those reasons in my fears about dating because of my past and so forth. I think you are right that you need to love others and oftentimes it will come back to you. When I started telling my dad that I loved him, he started saying it back to me, which was something he never really did before.
Have an awesome week Jodi. Thanks for spreading love in the world : D.
People are so scared to open and then the other is too. Sometimes is just takes one to shift. It is hard when I am working with couples who are both so afraid to be hurt, it is hard for them to try. And when they do, the other is too afraid to notice. It is too bad too because they want to see the other trying. Wow! I wish they could see what I see! Thank you Sebastian!
That is so true. It often takes that one person to make a change and it affects the other person and they both grow in positive ways usually. At least that is what I have noticed in my relationships.
I am sure it must be frustrating to see that in couples when you are working with them. That fear of being hurt is hard to overcome. That fear usually doesn’t happen but if it does, that hurt is short term while the pain of regret is long term.
How beautiful! Regret can be long term. What if we made choices without regret! What kind of world that would be! 🙂
Jodi Aman recently posted..When your love is insecure
Hi Jodi, this is such a universal topic. There’s always some insecurity in relationships I think. The more we love the more vulnerable we feel. Then the voices start…be gone , nasty voices! We are worthy! 🙂
Lisa thomson recently posted..Narcissist or A**hole? Know the Difference
We just have to get it through our thick skulls! We are worthy! We are worthy! <3
I thought I was unworthy because my husband kept telling me that. He sounded like a broken record, so I got rid of that record once and for all, and problem solved!
monicastangledweb recently posted..Hangin’ with My Daughter
That is why I put the asterisk in I knew there is a whole other audience that this video is not speaking to and they need to do what you did!
I so get this, Jodi.
Many times I’m only thinking of my feelings, my lack of confidence, my ego.
I’m texting my husband right now to say I LOVE YOU))!!!
Love you more than chocolate dipped ice-cream cones. xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..I Was Blind, But Now I See
I’m sure you got a wonderful text back from your baby cakes. He loves you right up! I love you more than the caramel iced latte I’m drinking! xo
Jodi Aman recently posted..When your love is insecure
Yes definitely correct. Thanks for sharing this great blog. All three reason are correct. Lack of confident.
Thanks for coming over! I hope you got something from it!
Jodi Aman recently posted..When your love is insecure