Are you self-silencing? Have you ever stopped yourself from speaking up because you were afraid of being judged or rejected? If you’re like most people, you’ve done this more often than you’d like to admit. This habit, called self-silencing, might feel like an easy way to avoid conflict, but over time, it can quietly build anxiety that feels impossible to shake.
I’ve seen so many people struggle with this, sacrificing their voice, needs, and even identity to keep the peace or stay “safe” in relationships. The truth is, self-silencing doesn’t protect you; it fuels anxiety by leaving emotions unprocessed and needs unmet. The good news? You can break free. Let’s explore how.
First: What Is Self-Silencing?
Self-silencing is when you suppress your thoughts, feelings, or needs to avoid conflict, judgment, or rejection. It often starts as a way to feel accepted or to avoid discomfort, but over time, it becomes a pattern that steals your confidence and piles on anxiety.
Many of us are conditioned to self-silence, especially if we’ve grown up in environments where speaking up was discouraged. For example, maybe you were taught that being “nice” or “easygoing” meant keeping your feelings to yourself. Or perhaps you’ve stayed quiet to avoid upsetting someone you care about. These habits can feel safe in the moment, but they leave a big emotional cost in their wake.
Watch me coach Adriane and Alenka about their experience with self-silencing.
Watch ” Do You Self-Silence? What is Self-Silence and What is Says About You.” Here:
Resources Mentioned in “Do You Self-Silence?”
Related Episodes and Blogs:
Listen to the show on your favorite podcast app:
Apple Podcasts ♥ Spotify ♥ Google Podcasts ♥ Amazon Podcasts
How Self-Silencing Fuels Anxiety
Self-silencing doesn’t just avoid conflict, it also neglects your emotional and physical well-being. Over time, this creates a breeding ground for anxiety:
- Unprocessed Emotions: Suppressed feelings don’t go away. They build up, causing tension and unease.
- Negative Self-Talk: Silencing yourself feeds the inner critic, making you believe your needs aren’t valid.
- Chronic Stress: Continually sidelining your needs contributes to physical symptoms like headaches, fatigue, and insomnia.
Adrienne’s story highlighted how these patterns persist into adulthood, creating cycles of anxiety and self-neglect that can be difficult to break.
Signs of Self-Silencing and How to Break Free
Recognizing self-silencing is the first step toward reclaiming your voice. Ask yourself:
- Do I avoid sharing my thoughts or feelings to avoid judgment?
- Am I constantly putting others’ needs ahead of my own?
- Do I feel obligated to “keep the peace” even when it harms my well-being?
If these questions resonate, it’s time to take compassionate action to break free.
Takeaways from the episode here
Breaking the cycle of self-silencing doesn’t happen overnight, but small, intentional steps can make a big difference.
- Acknowledge Your Feelings
Practice self-compassion by recognizing your emotions without judgment. Alenka shared how she began prioritizing rest and recovery to manage stress and regain energy. - Start Small
Begin with low-stakes situations. Ask for small things, like a glass of water or expressing a preference. These actions build confidence over time. - Set Boundaries
Healthy boundaries protect your energy and self-worth. Say no to things that overwhelm you and yes to activities that restore you. Learn about setting boundaries here. - Seek Support
Therapy, coaching, or even a trusted friend can help you explore your feelings, practice self-expression, and build confidence in your voice. Or join my support group ↓.
Why Reclaiming Your Voice Benefits Everyone
As I shared on the podcast, valuing yourself benefits not only you but also your relationships. When you prioritize your well-being, it creates healthier dynamics for everyone.
Alenka’s story showed how setting boundaries and taking small steps to prioritize herself improved the quality of her interactions. By taking breaks and addressing her needs, she was able to show up more fully in her relationships, creating deeper and more meaningful connections.
See you every Monday at 8 PM E! When you attend Live on YouTube @doctorjodi, you can ask Dr. Jodi your questions. Get on the list to get reminders about the show, including the topic for the week, PLUS, receive my Gen Z Mental Health Resource Guide here: