A long time ago, when I was pregnant with my daughter, I was in the throws of incredible anxiety. I went to see an energy healer to help me. At the end of the session he gave me advice that changed my whole life. He put his hand over mine and said,
“You have to trust yourself.”
I didn’t get it at first. I had never thought of the relationship between anxiety and trust at all. But now, it makes so much sense, I can’t not think of it.
Anxiety is feeling helpless, out of control and powerless. You don’t think you can handle anything. In short, you don’t trust yourself to handle anything.
It may feel like you don’t trust other people or the situation, and you are right. You can’t control other people.
All you can control is yourself and your response. But if you don’t trust that, you are sunk:
You worry:
How can I survive ________?
This is how self-doubt adds to our Anxiety. If you don’t think you are good enough and always second guess yourself, why would you think you can handle difficult situations? If you can’t handle things then you are powerless, and Anxiety takes the reigns.
A gratitude journal is great because it makes us pause and see that there are some good things in our life. But if there is no connection with our own personal agency, we can feel like a passive recipient of life, and this does nothing for our anxiety. It just makes us feel more out of control.
Forego the gratitude journal, and do this instead.
How to Deal with Anxiety and Trust Yourself
Tweet: You have mad skills #believeinyourself http://ctt.ec/vRPd4+ @JodiAman #video #anxiety
Therapeutic documents like these are great tools to re-training the brain. They are easy to make, inexpensive and provide a clear, concrete action that you can practice without adding stress. The repetition and ritual of reading them daily serves to remind you what you know but keep forgetting.
Our problems can too easily talk us out of seeing the good things about ourselves. We have to stop them from undermining us that way, by getting all the support we can get. Documents are the best way to do this. They are by far the best way I know of to get rid of Anxiety.
Writing things down gives them a bit of authority. It makes them visible and real, and easier for us to accept.
Do this every night:
Take two minutes every night write down the things that you accomplished that day.
Of course you can include everything from washing the dishes to reaching out to an old friend. Don’t let any effort go invisible.
We hardly give ourselves time to pause and appreciate ourselves. We are too quick to go onto the next thing and look at what we didn’t get done. This just increases our stress and anxiety.
It’s time to change the plan and connect with ourselves and our abilities. This will help us begin to trust ourself.
Your anxiety will decrease but you’ll also reap other benefits. When you celebrate your accomplishments, you’ll have more energy and less stress. You’ll find yourself happier and calmer. You’ll be more productive and have more free time. Also, you’ll find yourself more generous and patient with people around you. All good.
Try it right now: Tell me one thing that you accomplished today before reading this post.
Hi Jodi,
Excellent reminder! Trust accomplishes all…whether it is fear or anxiety, doubt or depression…if we trust ourselves, we can definitely be happier. I know we lose control over our own endeavours when we fall into the abyss of anxiety and stress but others can help us only if we remind ourselves that every phase of anxiety is transitory…it can never last forever.
You are right, writing things down gives an impetus to our confidence, it sends a signal to the brain that we can do all that we try and slowly the feeling sinks in! Thanks for sharing an awesome idea.
Balroop Singh recently posted..Is Contentment A Synonym Of Happiness?
Thanks, Balroop, I am glad you think so!
Jodi Aman recently posted..Love up instead of worrying down
Hi Jodi,
That was a wonderful post, and a great reminder for all of us to slow down too 🙂
Yes, stress and anxiety are part of our lives now, and even though we want to reduce stress and try to overcome anxiety, there is SO much left to do each day, that it seems like a never ending task. But as you said, you need to give yourself credit for all that you have achieved during the day and learn to be happy about it, and try accomplishing a few things, rather than a whole lot, it works then.
Thanks for sharing. Have a nice week ahead 🙂
We can only do one thing at a time! Thanks for coming over, Harleena!
Jodi Aman recently posted..Are you normal?
HI Jodi,
I have so missed our visits together.
I wanted to let you know, I am so grateful for the on line work you are doing. This one on anxiety and building relationship with self in trust is particularly important in my life now, refocusing me as I recover from post concussion syndrome.
So thanks, look forward to resuming our time together.
A
Thank you so much. I’m so glad it was timely. I will see you soon and see how I can help with your head!
Jodi Aman recently posted..When your love is insecure
Jodi,
This makes so much sense. In so many ways. I was just reading Pete Walker yesterday and starting to understand about emotional flashbacks and how that may be affecting the level of anxiety I am experiencing. I also get what you are saying. Yes, people have hurt me. Some very intentionally and some not intentionally at all. But even if a person doesn’t mean to let me down, I am still let down. So in the end, I am the person I need to trust. I need to trust that I can protect myself and my family, I need to trust that I know how to find the assistance i need, and I need to trust that I will be okay no matter what. I have started doing what you suggested, writing down what I accomplished. I’m starting out paying attention to what I’ve accomplished a little more frequently so I get accustomed to thinking that way. With three children with lots of medical and behavioral needs, I often feel like I never accomplish what I meant to , so doing this more frequently will probably assist me in recognizing that I accomplish lots of stuff during the day. I can see how having more appreciation of what I do everyday can help me to feel more confident and less anxious. Thank you so much. This was so timely for me.
P recently posted..An Open Letter to MT (my therapist)
I’m so glad that this helped the penny drop for you about how to change your relationships with disappointment. People will always let you down- mostly unitentionally- but you can depend on yourself. You get so much done with all the appointments. That is productive! You will have tons to write down. Don’t leave anything out, no matter how insignificant you think it is. It is important! I really think this will help! xo
Jodi Aman recently posted..5 ways to ease #Anxiety through nature
You are right that it is so important to trust oneself. You need to believe in yourself to get through whatever life throws at you. You also have to trust yourself to truly trust someone else.
One thing that I have done today is put my clothes in the washing machine : D.
I have my clothes washer right in my closet and I love that I can just stick a load in on the fly. Makes me feel so accomplished in less than a minute!
Jodi Aman recently posted..Why saying please is so important
I used to always believe I can’t survive a separation, any kind of separation, mainly the death of someone I love. I did survive, and I trust myself to be capable of survivng it, but how would that make it easier? The anxiety is fear of suffering, and surviving something doesn’t mean we didn’t suffer?
Nikky44 recently posted..I challenged the Fear
It makes it easier because pain is part of life, but suffering is what we do to ourselves with fear and angst. The intensity of the suffering comes by fear of it and judgment of yourself. Take these away and our pain is much less. You are right anxiety is fear of suffering. Thus, fear of fear. Pain is small compared to suffering. One can be content in pain.
Jodi Aman recently posted..Lose #Anxiety by trusting yourself
I am always content, with or without pain. I think it’s maybe hard to believe because sometimes I complain, but when I complain, it’s just an instant reaction and these feelings never last. Maybe the reasons why i am always content are the wrong ones, but the result is the same. I believe that living is suffering and whatever happens to me could have been worse, so i am content and grateful things are not as bad as they could have been.
Nikky44 recently posted..I challenged the Fear
Such an important subject this one. Thanks so much for talking about it, Jodi.
When I’m not operating from possibility, I’m often dealing with the fear of blame, fear it’ll be my fault, fear someone will feel it’s my fault. Just a couple of hours ago it was there for me again. I gave a workshop last week and I’d asked the CEO by email for feedback on the workshop. Even though I asked, and even though I wanted the feedback, I still felt the fear on getting the feedback. It was useful feedback, things that worked and things that didn’t work so well. Yet still I could feel the fear there, the fear I wouldn’t be able to handle things. Instead of going down a hole, I reminded myself I asked for feedback and I wrote back going more deeply into it. Anyway, after another exchange of emails it’s all restored. I’m experiencing power and freedom again. What made the difference was not resisting (going deeper) and also getting that the CEO didn’t have to like me or approve of me for it to be a highly successful program (ie, I could handle it if she wasn’t my best buddy).
Very brave, Narelle! I put myself into your shoes as I was reading, feeling those feelings of hearing back something negative and wanting to defend or something. I know how that can be. It takes power to absorb and really validate someone but this goes really far to show one’s professionalism. Good on you!
Jodi Aman recently posted..Shrink #Anxiety by trusting yourself
I think the reason why I keep to do lists every day is to make me feel better about my accomplishments and not stress over what I still need to do. It really works for me.
Kelly Hashway recently posted..Monday Mishmash 8/4/14
We are so similar!
Jodi Aman recently posted..Shrink #Anxiety by trusting yourself
This topic is especially important to me. I have the following quote to read at my desk everyday:
“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Thank you Jodi!
Rachel,
I LOVE that quote! It really makes all of the difference!
Jodi Aman recently posted..Shrink #Anxiety by trusting yourself
Thank you so much for this! It made me feel so right and I will continue to write down on the things I have accomplished instead of any negative thoughts. Thanks Jodi!
Awesome! And you have been busy lately, so you have loads to write down!
Jodi Aman recently posted..Three things that lift you out of self-judgment
You know what, Jodi?
I have NEVER thought about the things I’ve accomplished…Only my failures, what I have not done, what I have yet to do.
This post gives me a NEW perspective. I LOVE IT!!!!!! Thank you. You are MUCH appreciated and loved. xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things About Girlfriends, Blogging, Imperfection, Gillian Flynn, & Other Shit
Oh my, my dear Kim, you do so much! Teaching those children, loving and commenting on millions of blogs, writing raw beauty, loving Mr. Liverpool, baking, having all kinds of snorting fun. You rock at being productive. Never forget it! xoxo
Jodi Aman recently posted..When your love is insecure
I accomplished so many things today, there isn’t even room for me to write them all!! But the most important two for me are that I spent time holding my pets, which is a guaranteed anxiety reducer, and therefore definitely an accomplishment, and I polished another chapter in the m/s.
Laura Zera recently posted..PNWA 2014 Writersâ Conference: When Zen Sets In
Polishing a chapter is amazing. I’m in awe of all kinds of creators and finishers. I have tons of half finished projects that I’ve been working on and it’ll be amazing to see them finished, but I’m enjoying them all along the way! And totally celebrating each and every step!
I love this…
Feels like you’re speaking to me.
Will definitely spend more time building a trust relationship with myself..
So far today, ive cared for my 8 month old, made coffee for myself and discovered you!
Kirsten,
This was the sweetest comment! Caring for a baby is so productive even though it doesn’t feel ‘productive.’ It takes incredible skills. I’m glad you found me!
Today’s probably not the best day for mentioning any accomplishments, although I have been doing something I normally have no time for: I’ve been relaxing. And I did a load of laundry, but that’s about it. Of course, I start feeling guilty when I go into relax mode because there’s so much to be done. Oh well, I sure enjoyed those hours. Now, I’m back on the computer, catching up on blogs and afterwards, I’ll be doing some work to get a head start on the week! Story of my life.
monicastangledweb recently posted..Camp Life: Monsoon Summer
Relaxing is very productive. Never knock it!
Jodi Aman recently posted..5 ways to ease #Anxiety through nature
What I accomplished today?….I saw all the patients that were scheduled for me to see today. 🙂
HI, great insights, anxiety will hold us back from accomplishing our goals, trusting our abilities, being aware of our capabilities and believing in our self work wonders. The advice you gave will really help us in overcoming these anxieties in life. Thanks for sharing. Great post.
lynne recently posted..The Place I Started My Spiritual Studies – Life Comes Full Circle (Part 4 of 4)
Very helpful, Jodi. Thank you from Oregon. Let us all be able trust ourselves (and God). Our lives today demand this of us.