I recently watched a famous thought leader say that “willingness to forgive yourself” alone opens the doors and starts the process. Sure. I get it. Our will, which is the one thing we can control, is necessary to conjure when we feel out of control. It is the first step to changing any direction that you are going.
So I get that you have to want to let go to forgive yourself before you can do anything else. I also acknowledge that some people actually, consciously don’t want to forgive.
However, those folks are not clicking on a blog on the subject. But, you ARE here. And, you, on the other hand, HAVE the will. You will shout from the rooftops that you want to get rid of this crap you have been holding onto. And it sucks that it is still there and you have to suffer with it another second. The weight of it has felt like it has crushed you.
You are dying to let go!
But it’s not going for some reason.
Maybe you just don’t know HOW to forgive yourself. You have the intention, you have the will. You just don’t know what is next. There are six reasons for this:
- You don’t understand what happened.
- You don’t know why you are holding it
- Then, you feel like the person who hurt you gets away with it
- You feel like you don’t deserve to get away with it
- You are too busy surviving to give healing this energy
- And, finally, you don’t know the steps to forgive yourself
I’ve had trouble forgiving myself
I often tell stories of when I’ve been treated unfairly. Also, I usually blame myself. And then I blame myself for being upset. I blame myself for not letting go right away…for being human…for being fragile.
I don’t think I understood forgiveness. Back then it meant “It’s okay that you did that.” But not anymore. That is ridiculous and not at all helpful. To anyone. It took me a while to understand forgiveness was about me being unpinned from what happened. And that, I was definitely in for!
It was during one of these times that I created my 3 steps practical process for letting go. (I share it here in my free mp3.) Most recently, I go deeper in my new online Forgive Yourself and Others Masterclass for $19 for people who want to dive in and understand the six reasons they cannot let go and how to do the three steps no matter what has happened in their life.
I learned to be more compassionate with myself and more understanding of my humanness. Eventually, I accepted my fragility- I started to say, “I get it” no matter what I felt at the time. Check out this old YouTube video to learn how to have compassion for yourself.
Do you want to forgive yourself?
YES!!!! Here are three steps. I won’t explain them here because I am a better orator than a writer. So I’d rather you listen to the Let it Go mp3 or take the more in-depth Forgiveness Masterclass. In the class, I explain the six reasons it is hard to let go and then give the three steps to forgiveness.
- Know you deserve it. (This is often neglected. We are often unconsciousness of feeling undeserving, though we recognize it when it’s pointed out. That is why I am pointing it out. It is a huge, unnecessary barrier that you need to get through. Seeing it often helps, but, if this is hard for you, or you don’t know where to start then work with me. This includes understanding what happened and your role in it. I help people very quickly with this first step.)
- Set the intention. (Easy but important to make fun and meaningful! Loads of examples of what you can do here.)
- Practice. (Another neglected step. This is the main mistake people make thinking they ought to be done after step two. Missing this leads to loads of negative judgment and stuckness.
Not letting go of crap, holding it against yourself is one of the biggest causes of anxiety and stress that there is. If you want to feel better, take this class. (New bonuses are my best letting go guided meditations.)
It’s time to forgive yourself
Wouldn’t it be great if you walked lighter? If your heart was no longer squeezed tightly? Or if your lungs could expand and you could breathe again? Time to invite forgiveness into your life. Demystify it. Move on to FREEDOM from pain, disappointment, resentment, fear, anxiety and overall heaviness of what you have been carrying.
It is time.
Let me ask you: Are you ready to Forgive Yourself?
Jodi what if it is something that can not be forgiven when you lost your only income and you live 429 miles away and your parents were dying. You had to fight for your SSDI back and were living in a motel where no family members would engage of helping you after this i realized I did not get to spend the quality of time with neither of my parents. To this day it is my fault from the rest of my family I do not even have a car nor am I able to drive. i end up walking. It breaks my heart each time when there is blame from family told me to commit suicide and I did not LISTEN. I cried my eyes out because family is supposed to stick together no matter what, and mine ripped apart after my parents died my dad had a massive heart attack and after his funeral it put me into the hospital with a panic attack my mom had stage 4 small cell lung cancer intensive and died 2 days after my birthday and it hurts me badly all she said is I can’t breath and was on Hospice I feel that I killed her. i dont talk about it much because it will be 1 yr this year and it makes me where I feel responsible. It is the worse pain to feel when I am engaged and all it hurts to have my parents gone and my sister doesnt even talk to me
I don’t understand. What is unforgivable? What is “your fault”? You say that you killed her but you weren’t even there. So that’s not true. Or are you saying what your family did was unforgivable? (Like tell you to commit suicide, abuse, not help you)