The search for self love begins when you let go of trying so hard to be perfect. When you let go of one expectation that has been more of a prison than a goal, the first step in your search for self love has commenced.
Today, I am happy to introduce a wonderful fellow blogger, Kirri White. Kirri speaks from her own soul’s experience, opening herself to the wonders of the universe yet manages to always have a nugget for her readers to take into their own hearts.
I LOVE her authenticity. Can’t wait to hear what you think!
Without further ado…
The search for self love
My uncle applauded my conviction, when I told him that I planned on graduating university with a Masters degree in Psychology.
He couldn’t see that my steely determination was based on a belief, that I was severely damaged and in need of repair.
I had this brilliant plan you see.
If I studied Psychology, I would learn how to stay skinny, stop self—harming, save my abusive, drug-addicted boyfriend, graduate with honors and enter a well-respected profession.
THEN I would be a success. Then I would be someone worthy and deserving of love. Not so much in the eyes of others, but in my own heart.
Most of us do not look at other people’s lives and say – “He would be lovable if he had more money” or “I would like her, if she didn’t have a broken marriage.”
We don’t think that someone is only worthy because they are ‘thin’, ‘funny’, or ‘intelligent’.
We don’t place those conditions on others, but how often do we do it to ourselves?
Often we decide that we will love ourselves when we can move past a history of abuse, when we are at our ideal weight, when we have a job we like, or when we have a decent, loving relationship.
We place conditions on ourselves and effectively put our lives on hold, deciding that we will be someone of worth only when we have achieved x, y or z.
Now in my 30’s, I still have issues I’m working through.
I have many flaws as well. The difference is that they no longer prevent me from liking myself.
I accept them as part of who I am.
What began as a personal crusade for wholeness, ended somewhere in my 5th year of university, when I simply decided to end the struggle.
I was tired of trying so hard. I wanted to experience peace.
Quit trying not to try.
Ironically, it was in that space of least resistance that I discovered the starting place in my search for self love.
It looked like grace and compassion – for myself, as much as others.
It didn’t require me to have more, do more, or be more.
All that was required was practicing unconditional self-acceptance. Day by day, and at times, choice by choice.
Where has been your starting place in your search for self love?
Kirri White is a certified life-coach who advocates baby steps to radical self love. She is co-creator of the 30 day self care blueprint, an online program which has transformed the lives of hundreds. At http://kirriwhitecoaching.com you will find tools, strategies and compassion–based encouragement relating to the beauty of living an ordinary life, extraordinarily well.