The search for self love begins when you let go of trying so hard to be perfect. When you let go of one expectation that has been more of a prison than a goal, the first step in your search for self love has commenced.
Today, I am happy to introduce a wonderful fellow blogger, Kirri White. Kirri speaks from her own soul’s experience, opening herself to the wonders of the universe yet manages to always have a nugget for her readers to take into their own hearts.
I LOVE her authenticity. Can’t wait to hear what you think!
xo
Jodi
Without further ado…
The search for self love
My uncle applauded my conviction, when I told him that I planned on graduating university with a Masters degree in Psychology.
He couldn’t see that my steely determination was based on a belief, that I was severely damaged and in need of repair.
I had this brilliant plan you see.
If I studied Psychology, I would learn how to stay skinny, stop self—harming, save my abusive, drug-addicted boyfriend, graduate with honors and enter a well-respected profession.
THEN I would be a success. Then I would be someone worthy and deserving of love. Not so much in the eyes of others, but in my own heart.
Conditional Self-Acceptance
Most of us do not look at other people’s lives and say – “He would be lovable if he had more money” or “I would like her, if she didn’t have a broken marriage.”
We don’t think that someone is only worthy because they are ‘thin’, ‘funny’, or ‘intelligent’.
We don’t place those conditions on others, but how often do we do it to ourselves?
Often we decide that we will love ourselves when we can move past a history of abuse, when we are at our ideal weight, when we have a job we like, or when we have a decent, loving relationship.
We place conditions on ourselves and effectively put our lives on hold, deciding that we will be someone of worth only when we have achieved x, y or z.
Unconditional Self-Acceptance
Now in my 30’s, I still have issues I’m working through.
I have many flaws as well. The difference is that they no longer prevent me from liking myself.
I accept them as part of who I am.
What began as a personal crusade for wholeness, ended somewhere in my 5th year of university, when I simply decided to end the struggle.
I was tired of trying so hard. I wanted to experience peace.
Quit trying.
Quit trying not to try.
Quite quitting.
-Zen Saying
Ironically, it was in that space of least resistance that I discovered the starting place in my search for self love.
It looked like grace and compassion – for myself, as much as others.
It didn’t require me to have more, do more, or be more.
All that was required was practicing unconditional self-acceptance. Day by day, and at times, choice by choice.
Where has been your starting place in your search for self love?
Kirri White is a certified life-coach who advocates baby steps to radical self love. She is co-creator of the 30 day self care blueprint, an online program which has transformed the lives of hundreds. At http://kirriwhitecoaching.com you will find tools, strategies and compassion–based encouragement relating to the beauty of living an ordinary life, extraordinarily well.
Thanks so much for having me in your space Jodi. I look forward to connecting with some of your readers x
Thanks for sharing this wonderful article with us. Which teach lot of thing about Self Love & now I begin to love my self… 🙂 Thanks for teaching
Thanks for taking the time to let me know you appreciated it Vivek 😉
I love this, Kirri.
I was just reading through my diary and read back my thoughts of acceptance (of myself and my feelings). It feels so much lighter and there’s far less of a burden that I’m carrying when I stop resisting particular flaws or mistakes. It’s time to just accept them. Or at least acknowledge them and park them aside for a little while.
Grace recently posted..Facebook Lovin’ Sunday – 07/07 {Cold Power Sensitive Touch Giveaway}
I like the way you describe your feelings of lightness in relation to being more accepting and less self-critical. That’s what it feels like to me as well Grace.
Hi Kirri, and welcome to Jodi’s blog 🙂
You are so right – we often talk of accepting and loving others and how it should all be, but never practice what we preach. I agree, all of us have flaws, but we need to have the courage to accept them and do so happily. We are who and what we are and if we feel we need to get better, we need to make changes to do so.
Thanks for sharing. Have a nice week ahead, both of you 🙂
Thanks Harleena.
As a general rule, I think we are quite adept at showing compassion for others. For ourselves? Not so much 🙂
It’s so important to accept your flaws. No one is perfect.
Kelly Hashway recently posted..Monday Mishmash 7/8/13
Perfection doesn’t exist. That is one of my new mantras 🙂
**I have many flaws as well. The difference is that they no longer prevent me from liking myself.**
Powerful sentence.
I love! I identify!
Thank you, Kirri, for your honesty. Xx
My Inner Chickd recently posted..Simple Sinful Double Chocolate Chip Cookies
We’re all in this together right? Happy to hear that it resonated.
Such a powerful post. Hits closer to home than I would like to admit. Self- acceptance is often a life-long challenge no matter what our personal successes. Thank you for this, Kirri, and thank you, Jodi, for introducing Kirri to your followers!
Lisa W. Rosenberg recently posted..A View of the Ball
I get excited by the fact that we will always be learning and strengthening life lessons. There’s no end to this work.
Thanks for your kind words Lisa.
Along with self acceptance I have embraced self forgiveness.
Love this post. Thanks for sharing!
LouiseG recently posted..Cathedral in the Pines
Well said Louise. Self acceptance and forgiveness are powerful allies!
I loved this! You nailed my feelings exactly! So glad I found your blog! Wanted to share my poem below. Thought you might be able to relate.
http://dianereedwiter.wordpress.com/2013/04/04/the-child-within-yesterdays-melody-finale/
coastalmom recently posted..If we said a thousand goodbyes…
Standing in front of the mirror in my birthday suit and actually looking – at the outside and later, after a glass of wine. I may not ever look at Trya Banks or walk with the grace of Jackie O, but damn, I like who I found. Also a something to consider, no woman is every happy with the body she is slipping into her jeans. When i realized this a window opened and I took off. Thanks for reminding me of that day.
brenda recently posted..Rebel Without A Cause
You look like YOU Brenda – Like no one else on the planet! Enjoy it 🙂
You make it sound so easy, but at the same time I can tell that you have struggled to get where you are now. I like your blog because you are honest & talk from your own experience. Right now my life is so messed up that I don’t see a starting point. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. Loving myself seems so foreign to me, when there are so many other more important things to get through. I wish I had someone to hold my hand & help me get through this very hard time I’m going through. Right now I don’t see myself getting to the other side, or getting through this, or however you say it. I’m going to stop now. I’m too tired to go on.
Mary, love, I know you are hopeless right now. You are neglecting to mention the very big steps you are taking that you couldn’t be unless you were strong. You have been starting for a while without giving up. These things take a while. Loving yourself or caring for yourself is the first thing to do. Have compassion, forgive yourself. You blame yourself for so much you didn’t do. This is the first order and will take some of the heavy weight off. See the people around you supporting you. I know they are there. Sometimes our hopelessness blinds us. I’ll hold the hope until you can see it again. xoxo
Thanks Jodi. I am scared & w/o hope, except when I get a message from you. You are my battery charger & you somehow show up at times when I am out of charge. I admire you & your wisdom.
Mary, Then imagine me writing you every minute of every day! Even though I am not online, I can think of you!
You’re right Mary – it was a struggle and it didn’t happen overnight – but it started with the simple decision to be open to the possibility that I could choose different thoughts.
Our self love muscle grows every time we choose to give ourselves what we really need.
The only way you will fail is if you give up – so please, hang in there.
Kirri, I am so glad that you wrote this blog on Jodi’s site. That means you are very special & I am trying to hang on. It’s just hard. It seems like everyday I get bad news. My sister’s are dropping like flies, so getting support from you & Jodi means a lot to me.
Great post, Kirri. I’m so glad Jodi has introduced us to you. Self acceptance is a constant challenge, something I have more trouble with in some areas than others. Thank you for giving me something to consider.
Monica recently posted..Graduation Weekend
I totally get the Monica – the way we are able to give ourselves grace (or experience less doubt, more ease) in some areas of our lives more than others. I’m sure there are lessons for us to learn in those more challenging roles.
This is so true and it’s all about spreading self love this is the focus of my blog too: regrowingmywings.tumblr.com
My starting place in my search for self love? Learning how to be more truly present to the moment. The more present I am, the more connected I am to myself. The more connected I am to myself, the more I can hear my own inner voice/soul and not the chatter of the past. I started to fall in love with myself (smile) in my mid-40’s. Before, I liked myself and could see glimmers of what others loved about me. Now, I see what others see…and more.
Jodi, Kirri’s journey is both inspiring and relatable. Her honesty about conditional self-acceptance resonates deeply. It’s a reminder that true self-love begins with embracing our flaws and practicing unconditional acceptance. Thank you for sharing this empowering perspective.