Understanding guilt didn’t come easy for me. It took me over a decade to see the role “thinking of myself as not good enough” played in my anxiety and panic. How bad I felt about myself also effected my relationships, my business, my family and my spirituality. It weighed me down so much I could barely move. I couldn’t trust myself. I didn’t like myself. This was a playground for feeling vulnerable.
Then, the having anxiety brought even more shame/guilt, which felt out of control, and increased the anxiety. I isolated myself because of this guilt, which made everything worse.
Guilt is awful, isn’t it? It’s like I was wearing the weight of all the things I’ve done wrong. (Or think of as I did wrong.) And mulling over all the reasons I’m not good enough, smart enough, cool enough… Evidence (created by my mind) seemed to be all over the place, but that’s because it had my attention. (Guilt is a beacon for attention. Just like anxiety.) They became the story I saw everything through.
(Watch my FB LIVE on being in the middle of the story. While you are there follow me!)
No one wants to feel this way and yet most of us are walking around and carrying all that heaviness with us. I’m here to take that bag of rocks right off your shoulders- where it doesn’t belong anyway. You see, understanding guilt is key to unpacking and unloading these negative feelings and experiences.
And in today’s episode, I’m going help you with understanding guilt and anxiety.
You’ll learn that guilt it intimately connected with anxiety. Not understanding guilt and its role in making and keeping you anxious is a huge mistake that keeps you thinking your anxiety is not curable.
Guilt is caused by anxiety and it causes anxiety
When we’re anxious, we’re often so caught up in ‘why’. Why is this happening? Why am I doing this to myself? Why do I always end up here? Guilt, guilt, guilt. Getting stuck in the ‘why’ keeps us distracted away from addressing and healing the issue.
Guilt is pervasive in our culture because we spend so much time comparing ourselves to others and when we do this, we always appear to fall short. So we conclude that we are inadequate.
This is baloney!
When we compare ourself to others, we compare without all of the information. We don’t see how bad everyone’s insecurities are inside their heads, we don’t see all of their failures and problems. They seem fine on the outside. (Just like to others, you seem fine on the outside.) Without all of the information, other people look like they have everything together, and we appear to pale in comparison.
Watch the video and read on to learn more.
Understanding Guilt and Anxiety
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You Are Enough and You Can Trust Yourself
Anxiety lies. Its whole M.O. is to keep you in a tailspin of doubt and confusion. Understanding guilt about not being good enough feeds anxiety is wholly important in your healing process. Because if you realize that you don’t deserve the guilt, you can let the bag of rocks on your shoulders (the guilt) go. And relieve the stress that has wreaked havoc on your heart, body and mind.
Without the guilt, you can then trust yourself. And then the anxiety lies won’t have the same power they used to.
Yes, you CAN trust yourself. You have skills. And can handle things that come your way. You have made it this far because you are skillful and you are a survivor.
So take the next step. Decide you deserve to heal and to thrive!
What is keeping you guilty? Share with me.
I feel I am responsible for my 13 y.o. delicate cat’s death. I opened the cat door at 3am because my 4 y.o. cat was high pitch crying to go outside. I knew it was risky. But I did not want to hear the high pitched meows all night. I wanted to sleep. My 13 y.o. cat did not come back in the house as did the 4 y.o. She most likely was killed by coyotes. I feel very very guilty. This happened on 12/2. I’ve started seeing a counselor but I wonder if I ever will be able to forgive myself for this terrible action that caused her death.
There may be a lot of reasons your cat ventured out that night and didn’t return, least of which is because you were selfish.
I was at the grocery store with my dad and I saw a disabled girl’s mom pick a raspberry out if the container and eat it and like a selfish idiot I told my dad they just ate fruit out that basket and I’m still so mad with myself?
You thought out loud. That is okay to do to your parents. They are part of you. You can forgive yourself!!!
My has mild dementia, falls often, doesn’t eat, and has problems with taking her meds correctly. The last fall was a bad one and was brought to the ER and was admitted to the hospital. Deep down I feel that she cannot live alone anymore and her case manager feels the same. I’m feeling extremely guilty and very anxious to put her in an adult living facility. I am an only child and I know that I wouldn’t be able to care for her. I did have her live with us about six years ago and it was awful. My mom is a narcissist and she made our lives a living hell. I also am dealing with all of the mental and physical abuse from my childhood. I still have to deal with the emotional abuse to this day. I don’t know why this is breaking my heart so much?
Oh Gosh, Jan. This is so hard. I hope you have some assistance. You deserve some!